Thoughts

Impacted

2011-11-16T16:54:00.001-06:00

This morning I attended a funeral of someone who had a huge impact on several people's lives. He began his battle with cancer almost two years ago, and started a Carepages blog during this time. It ended up being a true testament to life, and how passionately he lived his last few years on Earth. As I was sitting there, I was amazed at the number of people that were in attendance. They even had to simulcast it into a gym, for the overflow of people. As I looked around at everyone, I realized that he had an impact on each person there. I know in my life, he was my first real full-time boss, he taught me to be organized, and his proper way of writing a business letter. He would dictate all his letters (including punctuation) and at the time, it drove me crazy, but it also really taught me a lot. There were hundreds of people that didn't know each other, but were connected in those few hours by just one person. This got me thinking about how every action you take can have an impact on someone else. It could be someone you may, or may not know.

The other thing that really struck me was his family. His wife and children all spoke, and as the kids were speaking, their mother was close behind them, rubbing their back or saying words of encouragement. She was being their rock during this time, and when she spoke, they were doing the same for her. It really made me think of how love of others can really get you through any tragedy that comes. Having people in your life that you truly rely on and support you, is an amazing thing to be thankful for. We all get so busy in our lives, that sometimes we forget to stop and appreciate the little things. His brother also spoke, and he was talking about how he always got to work really early (I would get work voice mails from him sometimes at 4:30am) and he would call him and comment on how spectacular the sunrise was, or anything out in nature he was seeing. He would stop, and take the time to appreciate the little things. Appreciate life. God only gives you one life, and living your life for what God wants, is your purpose while you are here. Rob's cross to carry was cancer, which started the Carepages...that impacted and changed lives. Don't get so busy in life that you miss how God is trying to use you. You never know how it is going to impact someone else.

Going to that today really makes you stop and think about what is important in life. Stop and think about who in your life is important, and take the time to tell them. Life is too short to let life get in the way of what the true important things are.

Trust

2011-11-13T12:17:00.001-06:00

This morning I woke up and had to decide whether I was going to go to church or not. Normally it is not even a question, but tomorrow I have a major test to take, and I need more time to study. So, I honestly thought that I could stay home, warm and comfy in my pajama's -or- get ready and drive to church (this is somewhat hard to admit, but truthful.) Based on my current living arrangement, I don't always go to the same church each week. I'm usually in a different spot each weekend, so going to the same church is difficult. This one in particular I have been to a few times, and the way the services are set up, they do an early worship and in depth teaching service, then two other services with preaching and not worship. This was also one of the reasons I was thinking about not going because I truly love the worship part of church, and could not make the early service. It's usually those times in my life when I am thinking about not doing something, then do it, is when God shows up.

Starting off, my quiet time this morning was about God choosing people He can depend on. He knows you can withstand your trial, if not, He would not give it to you. It is seen all throughout the Bible - Abraham, Moses, Paul, Ruth, and Job to name a few. He knows your strengths and abilities and gives you trials that you can face, relying on His strength.

When I got to church, there was a special speaker and he was talking about the trials in your life. When trails come, push though it and resolve in your heart that no matter what happens, God is the one who controls it. So often, our human nature is to control the situation ourselves. The quote he said that stuck with me was “It is doubtful whether God can use a man greatly, until first He wounds him deeply." A.W. Tozer. We all have been wounded in our lives, and those wounds are how we will be used greatly for God. Sometimes these wounds are so deep that we wonder if we can even survive it. I have been there, and know that it seems like it may never heal. But, His promise to us is that the good work that He started in us, long before we probably even realized it, He will complete in us. Philippians 1:6 - being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. One of the hardest thing about a trial, is praising God for it and knowing that it is God's way of using you for Him.

This got me thinking about my current trial that I have been dealing with for several months. My biggest insecurity has been brought to the surface several times, and I have been scared and telling myself that it is just too hard. Instead of trusting that God can do far more that I ever can myself, I have been telling myself I can't do it. The focus is on what I can't do and not on the fact that nothing is bigger than God. Nothing.

I am extremely thankful for the service this morning, and when the speaker was finished, they had an amazing time of worship. It's time to trust in God and know that it is all going to work out for His good.

Selfish

2011-06-18T13:54:00.000-05:00

Life isn't about you. I sit here in an air conditioned home, thinking about all the things I need to accomplish today, when there are people suffering in the world, and I'm sitting here thinking about my stuff. When Jesus walked the Earth, do you think He went through the day thinking about what fun He and the apostles were going to have that day? No, I'm sure that is not where His thoughts were. I need to do more. More to help those less fortunate than me, more to show God's love. How? I have no idea. Life is busy, and I'm trying to get ahead enough to where I can have more time to do those things. I am trying to trust God everyday that this is where He wants me, and where I need to be until He shows me what's next. It's not easy. I knew moving back here would be hard in some ways, and those have proven true. I love being back near family and close friends, but there are other things that make this path rough. What is really boils down to is, am I trusting enough? Where is my faith right now? Do I have the faith and trust to take that step down the path that I have no idea where it leads? It is a scary thing to think ahead to what that may look like, but I know that with God in the center, it will be perfect. We all are human and have selfish tendencies, but try to do something for someone else today. Think about others and how your actions could make a difference. Philippians 2:2-4: (2)then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. (3) Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, (4) not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

Happy

2011-06-18T09:02:00.000-05:00

If you stop and think about your life...are you happy? When you stop and take a good look at what you are doing in your life, and just the stuff that goes on around you, can you say that you are truly happy? What is being happy anyway? After my "list" and the events that occurred before and after that, I have had a lot of time to reflect on this very question.

First, I had to ask myself, what is being happy anyway? Is it just a feeling that happens when everything is going smoothly? When I am not being effected in a negative way? Sure, that is usually the case, you feel happy when nothing is bringing you down! But, how can you be happy when things are not going well? How do you keep that loving feeling when you feel like the world is falling down around you?

My happiness comes from knowing that when the world fails me, God does not. The most challenging thing to do is change your way of thinking. Our human nature is to sometimes lean towards the negative way of thinking. In my current situation, I spend a lot of time in the car, which leaves me a lot of time to think. Often, those negative thoughts creep in my mind, and when they do, I try to immediately have a conversation with God about it. I literally tell Him what I was thinking (yes, I know he already knows) and give whatever that thought is, to Him. When I do that, it clears my mind and puts new perspective on whatever it was that I was thinking. 2 Corinthians 10:5 - We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. Take every thought to God and begin to think more postive. Your outlook on life will change.

Peace

2010-10-24T21:55:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had one of those moments where your heart sinks to your stomach? Where, something happens unexpectedly that triggers that sick feeling? For instance, replying to an email and giving information out, when you meant to send it to someone else? Leaving your wallet at a store? Losing your cell phone? Seeing someone you once cared about with someone else? Any of these can cause that sick feeling that makes you so unsettled you don't know what to do. Something similar happened to me, and it threw me more than I expected. After my prior serious relationship, you would think I would be used to it, but I'm not. I am the type of person that does not like to be surprised - ok, I like to be surprised with trips, flowers, and jewelry, but I don't like to be surprised with negative things. I like to be prepared and know what's coming, but today, I wasn't.

I had that overwhelming sick feeling that hits you so deeply, you almost can't breathe. It was so unexpected and my first responce was to run. Just get out and get away from it. Unfortunatly, that was not really an option. After the intial flight response, when my brain starts to process what is happeneing, I try to process the why. Then I get so mad at myself, that I even let something trivial effect me like that. I was being rushed with emotion and honestly did not know what to do.

So what I decided to do was leave the situation for a moment, and when I did, God put someone in my path that I needed. My sweet friend was there, and she prayed for me. She put God back as the focus, and that is where my thoughts should have been. What happened next can only be explained by the power of God. I was filled with an internal peace where you just know God is with you. He is holding you up and comforting you. I prayed constantly that God would remain my focus and during that time, He was the only thing that was giving me a constant peace. He has been through everything that we go through, and whatever situation we face. He is the only one that will never let us down.

What it really made me see is that we are all human. We have human tendencies that are natural, and how God created us, so what I was feeling was natural. The hard part when we face situations like this is surrendering those thoughts and feelings to God. But, when you do, everything is put in perspective and there is such a peace that you know God will get you through it.

Now that I look back on it, it all seems so silly, but the human nature is a powerful thing.
Philippians 4:7 - And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus

Roses

2010-10-24T18:17:00.003-05:00

A little over a month ago I went on vacation to Temecula, CA. It's a little over an hour from San Diego, and it was absolutely gorgeous. We took a tour of several vineyards, and it was interesting to see how much care and thought goes into each row of grapes. There are different grapes all through the vineyard that each make a different type of wine. It was very interesting to learn how it was all made, and takes a tremendous amount of hard work. It takes a long time for the grapes to be made into what they are intended to be. What I noticed, was at the end of each row of grapes there is a rose bush. The rose bush is planted as an early detection of any disease or pests that could harm the grapevine. If they see the rose bush starting to die, or grow mildew, they know it is time to protect the grapevines.

This all got me thinking about how God works in our lives. He takes his time to develop us into what He wants us to be. This 'refining' does not happen overnight. We don't wake up one morning and think, well, today is the day I'm going to be all God wants me to be! It takes years of learning God's word, and praying. God taks us through things that will equip us with what He wants us to have, to fulfil His will for our lives. Sometimes the things that happen to us are not easy. We don't always don't understand the why of things, but I know behind every thing that happens, there is a God who is refining me into the woman He needs me to be, to further His kingdom.

Storms

2010-06-30T22:50:00.004-05:00

It is never an easy task to let go of someone you love. It comes with a lot of self reflection and heartache. You see, that's the hard part of being single, when relationships come to an end. Trying to be nice, but still get the closure we need as women. Trying to be strong even when you want to break down and ask why? Not understanding why this is happening...again. It's not easy for me to let someone get close to me, but this time I did. I actually allowed someone in, and gave them my heart, only to experience a broken heart like I have so many times before.

But...as I was driving home, I was very thankful for the long drive. I had the windows down, and the stars were bright. It gave me some time to reflect on a message I heard last night. Priscilla Shirer was talking on how to overcome "stones". One of her points was to see the good stuff in the bad stuff, and that's what I did. When God takes us through trials, that is the time we lean on Him the most. Look at your hurtful situation and seeing what God is trying to teach you. Not having a "woe is me" attitude, but an attitude of praise for the trial you are in. Even though I was sad, I turned up the radio and praised God. I thanked Him for this because I know He is going to teach me more about myself, and make me into the godly woman He wants me to be. This is not an easy task, but going to the Lord with how I was feeling and thanking Him for it, gave me a peace to know that He is in control. Everything that has happened up to this point has been because He wanted it to. As I was praying and worshipping, one of my favorite artist came on the radio, Jeremy Camp, singing There Will Be A Day. This is just one of the many ways God will speak to you. This song says it all. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=le-TG4sRRiQ

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew
But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we'll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long
You feel you’re walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone
Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting
But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

I can’t wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing
There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face.

God always has a plan, we just need to continually seek him through the storms of life and praise Him through everything.

The List

2010-06-11T12:17:00.015-05:00

What started out as my "Year of Fun", turned into a year of overcoming a great obstacle in my life. Little did I know this was going to happen, but God had other plans for me (as usual...) It all started early this year in my Community Group. Our study was on Life's Healing Choices and it started with forgiveness. In the last several years, I have learned a lot about forgiveness and have forgiven those that I was supposed to. When we started discussing this, I thought "ok, I'm good...I've got forgiveness down".

Then Session Four and James 5:16 came.

James 5:16 says - Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. The study said that we needed to list our sins and confess them to someone... OH. MY. WORD. I immediately said no. Literally, I told the group that there was no way I was one, writing them on paper, and two, telling another person??? No way. There were too many hurts, shame, and failures to let someone know the intimate details of the hurt that I've held onto for so long. We continued on and at the end of the night one of the girls said that if I did the list, and told someone, it would start the healing process. As I processed this, I wondered what in the world did I need healed from? I had forgiven everyone that had hurt me, so why would I have to do this? Over the course of the next few months, I would look at the bible study book and list on my night stand, and God began to work in my heart that I needed to write the list.

I knew that God wanted me to do this, but my biggest fear in it was finding a person that I could tell all this to, and they would not judge me. When I started thinking about it, the first person God laid on my heart was Beth Clark. So, I started praying about the list in March. Beth was coming back to town and while she was here we were going to try to get together for coffee. This was a perfect opportunity for me to tell her my "list". I was still struggling with even starting it, but continued praying about it. Beth and I ended up not meeting while she was here...WHEW! I really did not want to write my list...

About three weeks ago I was probably as down as I have been in a long time. I was struggling with so much and hurting. I wasn't sleeping at all and waking up every night. One day I came home from work, sat in my kitchen and wrote my list. Putting it on paper and admitting things that happened years ago that caused pain was hard, but I did it. God's timing is perfect and He knew Beth would be coming back into town the following week. Tonda Solomon invited me over for dinner, because she was also having over the Clark's, but there was confusion on the date, so it ended up being just me. Again, God's timing is perfect. Tonda and I talked about so much and it really resolved a few things in my heart that I was struggling with. She will probably never know the depth of what our conversation meant to me, but Tonda has an amazing gift of saying exactly what God wants her to, and it is exactly what I needed. So, she invited me back the following Thursday, when the Clark's would be there.

Beth and I connected for coffee Thursday morning of the day we were all having dinner. She did not know what I was about to purge on her, but I explained the story and that I had my list. Beth, being the incredible godly woman she is, listened as I told her everything. Her response when I was fininshed was an array of bible verses. She quoted scripture to help me see that God's redemption is what I needed, and I had to forgive myself. Something I don't think I have ever done, or known how to do, is forgive myself. After dinner that night, Tonda, Beth and I went out to the porch. We had great conversation and it was amazing to spend time with two amazing women. They both quoted scripture and encouraged me more than they will ever know. At the end of the night, Tonda prayed with me and I burned my list. Yes, I literally burned my list.

All the hurt, anger, shame that I had been holding on to all these years was gone. It was so hard to have to drudge up the pain again, confess it and know I had to let go of it. This whole time I would hold onto those things because that is who I told myself I was, and those were the lies that satan would constantly tell me. It was always that I didn't matter, that I wasn't worth it, look at what I did, why would God ever use me? I held onto these things because that is what made me, me. But it's not. What makes me who I am is God. God should be my only focus, the center of my world, every thought should be taken captive by Him. It is going to be a long process to break the old habits and way of thinking, but I know with God I can overcome anything. The healing and forgiving process starts today.

Flood

2010-05-02T21:40:00.002-05:00

I think I now know how Noah felt... It has been raining non-stop for two days. He had it a lot worse than we did of course, but I don't know how he did it - especially with all those animals. But, as God always does, He provides. There are a lot of people suffering in our area right now, and my heart goes out to them. Prayers, prayers, and prayers are needed right now. As we were driving around Franklin today looking at all the areas that were affected, it was awful. There are so many people affected and devestated. You never know how fast life is going to change. Friday, dry and sunny and Saturday flooding. It's just a reminder of how short life is and to make sure you tell the ones you love, that you love them.

Today

2010-04-09T11:16:00.003-05:00

It is funny to me how Satan can just attack you. As much as I try to keep God as the focus of every part of my day, sometimes it just hits me and I have no control over it. Lately, he has been playing on my insecurities. When this happens, and I feel that way, I always try to stop, pray and refocus on who created me...insecurities and all. Today especially I am just struggling so much with an overwhelming insecure feeling. I've stopped and prayed, read bible verses, and nothing is seeming to over come it. I wonder, does anyone else ever feel this way? It is the most frustrating thing because I have so much to be thankful for.

God created me as an emotional person and it is something that I have to handle when it comes up and try to see what God is trying to teach me from it. So far, it is all pointing me back to God is Love. It's not something he does, but it's who He is. He made me this way, and is going to love me with it. It is comforting to know that no matter what I say, or how I'm feeling, God will love me through it all. I keep going back to Ephesians 3, and I am starting to feel better all ready.

Ephesians 3: 14-19: (14)For this reason I kneel before the Father, (15)from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. (16)I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, (17)so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, (18)may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, (19)and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

**As an update - I prayed that God would put people in my life that day to just encourage me, and I had two friends I hadn't talked to in months call me out of the blue, and one of my Reps, say incredible encouraging things to me. God will never fail us and gives us exactly what we need when we need it.

Rocked

2010-02-04T08:50:00.004-06:00

A few weeks ago I thought, "things are going so smoothly, everything is good, something has to be coming." Have you ever noticed that when things are going smoothly along in your life, something comes up and makes it crazy? I know for me when things are going fine, I usually wonder where God is? Sometimes, I'm afraid to ask that question, because when I do, that is when God starts to show me things. It is not at all that I don't want Him to, because that is how I learn, but sometimes it is just tough to go through. Just like in this situation - I did ask where He was, I knew in my heart He was preparing me for something, and last night - He rocked my world.

The study group I am in, we are going through "Life's Healing Choices". For the most part, it has been safe for me, until what we discussed last night. It asks for us to list our past sins and confess them to someone. Yes, I am serious when I say confess them to someone! When I started to think about the things in my past that I either thought I had dealt with, or just pushed away, it scared me to death. I am being honest when I say this completely freaked me out. Think about writing down all the things that haunt you, and having to tell someone else. I know this is a major part of healing, and it will free me from a lot of guilt and shame, but I honestly don't know if I can do it. This is a whole new concept for me, which also makes it difficult. I'm good with the forgiveness part. I know God forgives me, and I feel like I am getting better of not harboring the guilt, but telling someone...really?

The other part of this process is actually thinking of and writing them down. How do I know for sure I am being completely honest with it? As these thoughts were occurring to me, the verse listed below was read. The only way is to ask God to search your heart and show you. For Him to bring to mind all the things that hinder you in your relationship with Him. As I go through this process I'm sure I am going to learn a lot about myself and my relationship with God will only grow stronger. It will be tough and emotional, but doing this will draw me closer to Him, which is worth more than I will probably ever be able to comprehend.

Psalm 139: 23-24: Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. (24) See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

History

2010-02-02T19:13:00.004-06:00

Every so often I take the long way home so I can drive through the "downtown" part of where I live, because I love it. It is an older historic town and if I hit the timing just right, the sun will be setting as I'm driving through it. There are little shops and restaurants (and of course, a Starbucks) and there are usually people just strolling up and down the streets. In the middle, there is a round-about, and in the center of that is a huge statue with a man on top of it, and four cannons surrounding it. During festivals they have there, I have probably passed by that statue a hundred times, and honestly, I have no idea who it is. I'm sure he bares some significance in history, probably something to do with the Civil War, but I don't know. This got me thinking how I really don't know a whole lot about history. I remember in high school and college I didn't have captivating history teachers. I was more interested in the math/science route. I was one of those people that said "why am I learning this, it already happened..." Oh, how I wished I would have listened and studied it more.

What I did learn is history tends to repeat itself. I know in my life this is true, and when the same thing happens repetitively, you tend to expect it. It's hard not to when that is all that has happened in the past. When I look back on these situations, I have to ask myself - what about my behavior is causing this repetitive behavior out of other people? Then my next thought is - maybe it isn't me? I'll probably never have the answer to those questions, but what I do know is that God will take you through these situations to guide and teach you. Every relationship I have ever had, I have looked back and asked myself "what is God trying to show me here?" Every time it is an eye opening realization for me. So now, instead of over thinking it, I view it as a learning experience for me. I hope I never quit learning, and seeing what God is trying to teach me. If only God would have taught my history class, I would probably know who the statue of the man is. Since He didn't, I will relish the fact that He is giving me a history all my own.

2010-01-10T16:57:00.003-06:00

It amazes me how certain situations, actions or things you see make your heart feel a certain way. Like the way you hear an old song and it makes you think of your first love. Or, if you go to a certain place and it makes you think of an old memory about your past and all the emotions come flooding back, like it was yesterday. A word, a memory, a smell, and even a light switch can bring back emotion and memories that you may have thought were gone.

The heart is a complex thing. I have yet to figure out how it works, and as far as I know there hasn't been anyone else that has. If there was, they would be a millionaire! There is a past event in my life that I thought was resolved a very long time ago. Then, I saw something that evoked so much emotion in me, I wondered if I had resolved it at all? This got me thinking, how do we know if we are actually over something? What is the appropriate amount of time or the process to put your past behind you? How do you know if you have dealt with something, or just pushed it so far down so you don't have to feel the pain?

There is no right or wrong answer to this. All I know is I have to give things to God. In church this morning, the pastor was talking about pride getting in the way, and thinking we could handle things on our own. We can't. I believe that is why God takes you through hard times, so you have to rely on Him. You have nothing else to do but give it all to Him. Life is hard, especially to think we can do this all on our own. My past situation was tough and the only one that can resolve it is God. What are you dealing with that you are trying to take all the burden on yourself? Take your burden and leave it at His feet, and He will take the burden on Himself.

Presents

2009-12-24T21:52:00.003-06:00

Today, I had to finish wrapping presents. Every year I realize how much I don't like to wrap presents and really consider just giving gift cards. At some things, I feel like I have to be a perfectionist, but wrapping is not one of them. I usually always cut too much paper, the ends look bulky, the bows are smashed or I can't get them the way I want them. I get a little impatient with the whole process, and I think a lot of it is that I know they are just going to tear it apart and throw it away...so why do I need to make it look perfect when they are just going to discard it? Aren't we always told it's not what's on the outside that matters, it's the inside? Isn't that what they are waiting to get to - the present inside the poorly wrapped present that I impatiently put together?

While I was doing this today, it got me thinking about the reason why Christmas is celebrated each year. Jesus. God's present to us many years ago was His son. He came to Earth in lowly status and knew He would die to save us from our sins. He came knowing He would face the ultimate betrayal and death on a cross. He was not wrapped in expensive clothes, or live in a fancy house. He did not come into this world as a King in that time would, but came to us and took the form of a servant. God's gift to us was His only son wrapped in swaddling clothes, laying in a manger. On the outside He was just a carpenter, but on the inside He was God's son that became a man to give us the ultimate gift. So, as I was wrapping gifts today I didn't worry about how the outside gift would look, but knowing the joy that would be received from what was inside. What really matters is Christ this season and all that His love brings. Merry Christmas.

100 Percent

2009-12-08T20:11:00.005-06:00

Last night I was watching the news to catch the weather, and they said that there was a hundred percent chance of rain today. Normally, that is not the case. Usually they will give you a slight percentage and it may rain, or it may not. This got me thinking that there are not many things in life that we can say are guaranteed.

Some things I would like to be guaranteed, like a low credit card interest rate, but that's not something I believe I am going to get. In life, we would like to think that we could be guaranteed several things. Like, the love of our life will stay with us, but they could choose to leave. That our job will always be there, but it may not. That we will always have great health, but we could get sick. You never know what life is going to throw at you, never. It could all change in a moments notice, and the only thing you have control over is how you handle it.

When things are thrown at you, do you take it and roll with it, and try to see how God is moving, or do you run and hide? Have I faced a major tragedy in my life, no. But I have had my share of heartache, and it is not easy, but what I have learned through those experiences has been invaluable. Ultimately, God is in control and knows what you will face before you do. He is going to give you more than you can handle because He wants you to trust in Him to carry you. Lately, I have had to pray for God's strength. This is a very busy time for me and I am tired. I am battling this daily, and my only strength is God. If you think about what is guaranteed in your life, it is the love God has for you. Well, that, and death, taxes and today the rain.

2009-12-01T22:18:00.004-06:00

Today was a great day. Since yesterday was so tough, I guess that is to be expected. I found myself very busy and feeling overwhelmed with a peace that can only come from people praying for me. I have been thinking a lot about things in my life and have realized how very blessed I am. I guess with Christmas just around the corner, it makes me very thankful for people in my life. There have been so many people recently that are experiencing very upsetting and trying situations, and it makes me wonder what kind of friend I have been to them.

Our lives can become so selfish at times. I know I am guilty of it. There are days where I am thinking about myself, and miss the opportunities to serve someone else because of it. I really do try to not allow things to be all about me, but we are human and have selfish natures. A former friend of mine used to say all the time, it is not all about you. There is so much truth in that statement. It isn't all about you. There are so many people in the world that you could make a difference to, if you just change the way you look and think about things. Life is hard, and very confusing at times, but if we just remember the little things and think about others every once in a while, life will be much more fulfilling. Just keep this in mind as you do things in your life and don't let your own stuff get in the way of loving others. Christ was the ultimate example of this when he walked the Earth. It was never about Him and He gave the ultimate sacrifice for us, by dying on the cross. Going through your day today, reach out to someone and love them.

2009-11-30T16:15:00.003-06:00

The wonderful thing about living in Tennessee are the trees and hills in the country. I absolutely love living here because of that. From where I live I can be in the country, or city within minutes. I was having a very rough day today, so I left early. I had something happen recently that was harder for me than I thought it would be. It takes me a couple days to process something, then it all comes crashing down around me. The emotions just came to the surface out of nowhere and I had to leave. I ended up coming home and going for a drive to clear my head. I drove through Leiper's Fork over to the Natchez Trace and back home again. The sun came out just as I was arriving home and I had to take advantage of this gorgeous day before winter comes. As I was driving I noticed that there are several homes for sale. A lot of them farms with a lot of land, and if I could afford it, I would buy one in a second. I thank God every day for the home I have, but a dream I have is to live in the country away from all the clutter of the city.

Along my drive I came to a cross road and I had to choose which way I wanted to go. One way, I wasn't sure where it ended up. The other way, I knew where I would be. Normally, I would go the way I didn't know and figure it out, but I didn't have the energy today. It did get me thinking about how often times we take the easy way, the way we know, when confronted with something we don't know. At times this is a good thing, and others it isn't. How do we know that the way we didn't choose, could have been far greater than traveling the normal way. There is a book titled The Road Less Traveled that goes in great detail about this very thing. Sometimes the road that is traveled less is the road that will lead you to a far happier place and where you need to be. No matter which road you choose, God is always with you. He knows which road you will take before you take it. You may choose the road that will be rougher and harder, but God is always there carring you along the way.

Adventure

2009-11-29T13:32:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I watched the movie UP. It is an animated movie about an adventure an elderly man takes and what he learns along the way. What struck me in this movie was the beginning of the movie. He meets a girl when he is young, and they are both adventurer's. She has a book called My Adventure Book, and the first few pages are filled with pictures and drawings of things she wants to do, or has done. Then there is a page where she wrote "The Stuff I am going to do", then there are blank pages following it. Well, they get older, marry, and she passes away. She gives him the book before she passes as if to encourage him to continue the adventure. He ends up taking their house to the place she always wanted to go, and never got to.

What got me thinking is there is a part in the movie where he pulls out the book after she is gone, and begins to flip through the pages. He gets to the page where it says "the stuff I am going to do" and doesn't think there is anything after it, but he sees that she had filled the pages following with pictures of their life together. What mattered to her wasn't the stuff she did, it was being with him. Her adventure didn't have to be just stuff - it was the stuff that meant something. If you have read my blog before, you know I am a big believer in life being short, and living life to the fullest. When you get to the end of your life, and look back, can you say that the stuff you did made your life full, or the relationships you had? Life is an adventure and will be what you make of it.

The definition of Adventure is: to risk or hazard. to take the chance of; dare. a bold, usually risky undertaking of uncertain outcome. Sometimes it is scary to take that leap of faith. I know, I've been there. I am somewhat guarded from being hurt, but that does not stop me from trying. God is preparing another adventure for me to explore, and whatever that is - whether it is something difficult, or out of my normal, I am willing to take it. Going through life you are not going to know the outcome of certain things, but if you don't take the chance, you will never know. All adventures will lead you to learn more about yourself and the outcome may surprise you.

Labels

2009-11-10T21:54:00.002-06:00

Today, I was addressing an envelope, and as I typed up the label and put it on the envelope, I knew the Post Office would get it where it needed to be. That label told them who it belonged to and where it was going. Without the label, the envelope is exactly that, an envelope. It doesn't change with the label, become better or worse, it is still an envelope. The Post Office is not going to look at that envelope and not process it because they don't like the label, they are going to treat that envelope exactly the same as they do all the others. We have a lot of clients in my company, so over my time there, I have typed thousands of labels. Just like people. We have thousands of labels (both good and bad) for people in our lives, and people we pass by. How many times have we labeled someone based on their outer appearance, or a certain way they act. Does that label, that you are assigning them, make them any less or more of a person than you? Does that label make them someone other than exactly who God created them to be? No. They are still a person and still someone that God created, just like you.

I am guilty of this, I'll admit it. It is so hard not to do because it is easy to pass judgement on someone because they are different than what you believe they should be. One of the most frustrating things to me is when someone is lazy with work. Not someone who takes time off, because everyone needs that, but someone who will only do what they need to get by. When I stop and think about it, maybe they aren't lazy. Maybe they just need that feedback, or need more training so they can work more efficiently? Just because in my mind I have labeled them does not mean that is who they are. That label could be the hindrance from me showing them God's love. The labels you place on people, and that people place on you, do not define who you are in Christ. He loves you exactly the way you are. Can we all improve, of course, but God is there to guide and teach you to be the person He meant for you to be. The next time you have a label for someone, think about how that label could effect their life, and yours.

Time

2009-11-02T18:45:00.002-06:00

The time change happened last weekend and it gets dark much earlier now. Having the daylight in the morning does not effect me that much, but not having it in the evening does. I feel like I need to go to bed so much earlier. Tonight though, I am thankful it was dark early. It was one of those perfect fall days where it was cool enough for a jacket, but the sun was out and the sky was blue with not a cloud in it. When I left work, I decided to go to the park to run. The sun was starting to set and the colors were amazing. The moon was already out and it is a full one. So, I am now sitting on my back deck with an amazing view of the full moon overhead. It is amazing to me how God has given us so many beautiful things each day to remind us how much He loves us.

Appreciating the time that God has given you is important. Take the time to love the people around you and appreciate the blessings God gives you daily. Life is so busy now and it seems the older I get the faster time goes. God only gives us one life to live so shouldn't we live that to the fullest? Often I get side tracked with superficial things, and honestly just things that don't matter. What if we spent that time investing in other people. Helping, serving and praying for others and their needs. How fulfilling would that time be spent if those were the things we focused on. We need to humble ourselves enough to know that this life is not all about us. Allow God to use us in such a way that brings glory and honor to Him. Time is precious and there is not a lot of it, so it should be used wisely.

Shaken

2009-10-18T15:58:00.004-05:00

BOO! Did I scare you?? No? I didn't think so....

It's October and the month of Halloween. Kids get to dress up and get a ton of candy, and everywhere I go, there are signs for haunted hay rides, and corn mazes. Fall is definitely here and with it comes football, apple cider and festivals. I love fall - I love the cool weather and the changing of the leaves - but it all ends so fast.

Just like things in life. How often do we think something is going so well, and then all of sudden, it ends? We are cruising along, things are smooth then you are hit out of no where with something? It happens all the time. Usually when things are going smooth, I wonder when it's going to get shaken up so God can teach me something. I don't ever want to miss what God is trying to teach me, but sometimes the end of something good means heartache. Through that, God often takes us to where we can't go anywhere but to Him. He wants us to trust Him and know that he always has our best interest at heart. I have lived it and I know sometimes that is so hard especially when you are in the valley, but knowing that eventually He will get you through it and what you learn will be far greater than the hurt.

Breaks

2009-08-28T11:51:00.003-05:00

Today I am off work, which I desperately needed after my seventy hour work week last week. I just can't keep up like I used to :) I treated myself to a massage today, which is a treat that I often don't get. I would have one every week if I could. Maybe I should marry a massage therapist, then I could!

Some people have a preference of whether they have a man or a woman therapist. I prefer a man because woman are too rough. I think they try too hard because they aren't as strong as most men. Some may think this is odd, to pay a perfect stranger to massage you - but I think it is fantastic. It is all how they handle it and how you think of it. When I lived in Ohio, there was a male therapist that I went to all the time. He was the best, and I haven't quite found someone like him here yet. The male therapist I had today was good, but he talked a little too much for my taste. In the middle of the massage, he was trying to guess how tall I was, and it just went down hill from there.

I wanted something to be all about me and not to be needed. I am needed all the time, and I was a little burnt out with it. I feel so selfish saying that, but I needed peace and quiet and just to relax. We are all needed for something each and every day, but we all need breaks. I have realized, that is why people take vacations (which I need as well). Hard work always pays off in the end, but every once in a while, take a break. Refresh yourself and clear your mind. Even Jesus rested when He walked the Earth, and He wants the same for us.

It's worth it

2009-08-23T18:18:00.003-05:00

I fear that I am a hopeless romantic. Is it bad that I watch romantic movies and want my own story? When I watch these movies and the man truly loves the woman and will do anything to get her, it is hard for me to not want someone to feel the same way about me. Ok, I am aware that they are all a script and life is truly not like that, but for some people, I believe it can be (please keep in mind it is Sunday :)

A long time friend of mine used to tell me that I had "walls" built up around my heart, and for the most part, he was right. I've gotten better about letting people in, but I still don't fully. Along with the love, there can also be hurt and pain that can come along with it. Each time I have let someone get over that wall, I have gotten hurt. When I love someone, I truly love them and give my whole heart to them. Love is a choice, but for me it also has a lot of deep emotion attached to it - if that person is lucky enough to get over that wall.

Everyone goes through hurt and pain eventually. Just like the saying goes, "you hurt the ones you love". Someone is going to hurt you and at the time you may think you won't get over it, but eventually you will. Love is worth the chance even if you are afraid of getting hurt again. Life is short and it's not worth throwing away a chance to be happy with someone who loves you in return.

Thankful

2009-08-16T17:31:00.004-05:00

In 2005 I went on a mission trip to Mexico and it was an amazing trip. It was extremely hard work, but also extremely fulfilling. What I learned on that trip will be with me for the rest of my life. I hadn't thought about the verse that God showed me that week in a while, but it came up in my bible study the other day, and it brought back so many memories. The simplicity of the verse and the way it spoke to me that week was a valuable lesson that I needed in my life.
I Thessalonians 5: 16-18 says Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. What I needed from this verse that week was no matter what I was dealing with at the time, give thanks in that circumstance. It is so extremely hard to do, and I am still not good at it, but it is so important to know that God always has your best interest at heart. It may be hard, and you may not want to be in the situation you are in, but there is a reason. As you know if you have read my prior blogs, I am not always super excited that I'm single. What I am trying to keep in perspective is that I just need to be thankful for the circumstance I am in. God always has a plan and I just need to trust Him and what He has for me.

Communication

2009-08-15T12:25:00.003-05:00

I believe that communication is one of the most important things with any type of relationship, and probably one of the hardest. One thing that makes it so difficult is getting across what you want to say without offending or hurting the other person. The other side of that, is saying what you need to and being prepared for the response. In my prior relationships, the communication style was always very different. In some relationships I was afraid to say what I felt because no matter what it was, it would not turn out well. In others, I had the freedom to say what I needed. This is how I learned what the best way was for me to communicate. I am a processor. If there is something on my mind, I have to really think about it and make sure I know exactly how I feel before I talk about it, or it all just comes out badly. I had to learn to communicate out of love, and definitely not when I was angry. This was hard for me to learn when I was already conditioned a different way. If I do have something on my mind, I have to really process it, and know exactly how I feel before I express it. If there is something wrong, I have to get to the "root" of the problem to make sure I am not just being over-dramatic. I had to change how I communicated, and it was tough. Now, I really try to think about what I say before I say it, or it can come out wrong. Am I always successful at this? Absolutly not...sometime my filter is off, and I cause all sort of problems :) As I always say, it's all in the delivery. If you delivery what you need to say in a respectful way, it should be received well.

Even now, there are several times lately where there have been things I wanted to say, but didn't. I didn't want to say what I felt for fear of hearing an answer I didn't want. Is that right to do, no, I dont' think it is, but it is reality. Sometimes saying what you feel is a scary thing, and it's hard to be vulnerable to express what you truly feel or think. The important thing to remember is life is short. John Mayer said it best when he sang "Say What You Need to Say". There is a lot of truth in that.

Regarding Sunday...

2009-08-11T08:02:00.002-05:00

So, the last blog I wrote was not very positive. I was in such a funk that day and lost sight of the important things. I know we all can get that way, but I probably should have kept all that to myself. I am human though, and being a single woman is tough sometimes. You have an unspoken expectation on you that you should be married and have children by a certain age. All of my sisters are married with children, so I sometimes wonder why I'm not. All in all, my life is great. God has blessed me more than I deserve and I still get whiny about stuff. I am very lucky to have the life that I do, because I know it could be much worse.

Of course, when I go through things like this, God is always there to show me that He is still in control. My Bible studies this week have been about God's love never failing, He is the one that will fill your life, etc... This morning while I was getting ready for work, a song by John Waller came on that I hadn't heard in a long time. It's called "While I'm Waiting". This song just talks about serving and praising God while you are waiting for Him. This is absolutely an area of my life that I need work on. Patience is not easy, but needed. I'm sure I'll go through valleys in my life, but even when I'm there, God is too.

Sunday

2009-08-09T20:44:00.005-05:00

As I've probably said before, Sundays are extremely hard for me. I'm not completely sure why, but they are just difficult. It is on Sundays that I am hit with the reality of how single I am. Normally, I don't mind being single. I don't mind being by myself, and I am pretty self-sufficent, but today was different. I do want to be married. Sometimes I feel so selfish feeling that way, and I feel I need to trust God's timing more, but it is really hard sometimes. I know God's timing is perfect and normally that brings comfort, but today was rough. I am sure other single women go through this too, and I need to quit whining, but I am just having one of those days...

Is it too much to ask to want someone that completely loves me for who I am? To have someone that knows me so well, that he can complete my sentences? Someone that has such a love for me that nothing will keep them away from me? I don't think it is...even though it sounds very cheesy. It could be all the "chick flick" movies I've watched today, but it is still something that I pray happens one day for me. Marriage is a scary thing with the high divorce rate, and many marriages are unhappy. Does that mean that if I do get married, it will be always happy? No. Will I settle for someone that I don't truly love? No. God will have to come first, and I am not guaranteed that whomever I do marry will stay forever. But is it worth it to try? Yes, if it is God's will. You can't choose your family, but you do choose who you love. "Love is many things, it's varied, but one thing is not and can never be, is unsure" (yes, that was from one of my girly movies today...) You can choose to love someone, and can choose not to. It has to be for better or for worse, because that comes with every relationship.

It's almost like a puzzle - I've tried to fit with a few pieces, and some of them fit in some ways, but not every way. I'm still looking for my piece of the puzzle that fits. The hard part in all this is that I always expect each relationship I have to end the same way. I always expect him to leave, for me to not be worth it for him. But one day, I know through God's blessing my piece of my puzzle will find me and the puzzle will be complete. Until then, I guess I get to go through little funks like this and know that tomorrow is a new day.

Fuel

2009-08-05T08:55:00.004-05:00

I'm going to admit something, that my dad would be extremely disappointed in. I hate to fill up my car with gas. You may be asking yourself, why would dad be disappointed? Well, here is an example. I live about thirty minutes from my office, and it's roughly 22 miles. Yesterday morning, while I was on my way to work, my low gas light came on. I have an SUV, so when this happens, I don't have long before the gas is completely gone. So, when I was leaving work last night (late, of course) I had forgotten that it had come on that morning. I didn't want to stop downtown where I work, so I figured I could at least make it half way home before I had to get it. I began to get a little nervous when I was close to the exit where I wanted to stop and the car began to putter just a little. I did make it, but this happens often. I just don't like to stop and do it. I know it gets you where you need to be, but the cost and time it takes just annoys me a little.

While I was pumping the gas I was asking myself why I do that almost every time? It isn't safe or smart. I was going through all the scenarios in my head of what could happen, and how my dad would be mad...and this got me thinking about my walk with God. How many times do I get so busy that I am running on empty? If God is the gasoline that makes you go, filling up every day will make everything run smoothly. I admit, I struggle with having daily quiet time. Some days I'm in such a hurry, it just doesn't happen. Those are the days that end up making me feel like I've been wrecked. Why? Because I'm trying to do it all on my own. We have to realize that drawing closer to God every day will only make us stronger and things will run smoother, even when things get tough.

2009-07-24T08:05:00.002-05:00

My niece and nephews are here staying with me again this week, and they are hysterical. Of course they have their little spats here and there, but overall, they are great. It makes me realize how hard being a parent would be. I'm constantly looking to see where they are and worrying if they are having a good time. I know it is different because I am just their aunt, but I still think that way.

It also makes me see why parents lie. They tell their kids things to make things go a little smoother. It's starts so innocently. Santa Clause, Tooth Fairy, you know, the normal. Then it turns into telling your 5 year old daughter that her dad burned her blanky, that she said she didn't need anymore because she was going into kindgergarten and was a "big girl" now, only to find out when she was an adult that her dad didn't burn it, but her mother had kept it all these years and lied about it.

As much as I love them, I can't imagine how much God loves us. It is hard to think sometimes, that God loves us above anything else, but He does. It's a hard concept to grasp when God isn't something tangible to touch and see. But the peace of God that you feel reminds us of His love for us.

Today

2009-07-18T23:22:00.002-05:00

Today was one of those perfect days. 80 degrees, sunny, a slight breeze. It was a great day to relax and do practically nothing - which is exactly what I did. When these days come along, I have a lot...and I mean a lot...of time to think.

Life has been overwhelming lately. Everyone gets busy and things pile up, but this past week was crazy. I didn't have time to hardly breathe and that is not good for me! I was so busy I lost sight of putting God first and following him. I've started a new bible study and the other day it was talking about how we often ask God to walk with us, when we should actually be walking with Him. This is something that I lost sight of this week. Thankfully, God gave me today to relax and get things back in order. I needed it and I am very thankful for it. Don't loose sight of what is important. Keep God first, and love people the way you would want to be loved.

My Niece Carey Lee

2009-02-03T18:37:00.005-06:00

My niece was born today at 10:31 A.M. She is adorable and perfect. It is so odd for my baby sister to have a baby. Everyone is doing great and we are all so excited that she is finally here.

It is a miraculous thing to be a part of the birth of a baby. One minute she is just here and you are meeting her for the first time. I wonder what she is going to be like? What color eyes will she have? What kind of ice cream will she like? How hard of a time will she give my sister when she is in high school? I don't know anything about her yet, other than her height and weight, and I love her. Most people don't believe in love at first sight, but I do. God has created this beautiful baby girl who will be loved more than she will ever know.

Megan is going to be a great mother and Jaden will be a great father. They will raiser her as a Godly woman and I know God has special plans for her. Carey Lee, Aunt Lisa loves you and I am glad you are finally here. I can't wait to see what God has for you in your future.

Twilight

2009-01-29T21:56:00.004-06:00

I fell. Not a physical fall, but fell for the Twilight books. If you don't know what I'm talking about, then you have not been watching T.V and you don't have young daughters. It is a book series about a vegetarian Vampire that falls in love with a human. Well, after much resistance I read them, and honestly I couldn't put them down. The movie also came out, but it was terrible. As they always say, the book is always better than the movie, and they could not be more right in regards to this one.

It made me think, what is the draw to these books for us? I obviously don't believe in vampires and the other mythical characters in the books, but I had to keep reading it. I think that it is the love between them that keeps you enamored with the book. We as women long for that one true love. The man that will love you for who you are and would do anything to be with you. There is chemistry between them that you can't ignore.

I believe that there are two chemistry types. One where you have that sick feeling in your stomach when you see him. You can't think of anything other than him and basically lose your head for at least the first three months of dating. The other is a comfortable chemistry. The person that you are very comfortable with and love to be around. You can still have a life and see him too. I've definitely had the first one, and it made me a complete idiot. The second is not as explored for me, but you will hurt less if it doesn't work out. So, how important is the chemistry you have? Just because you don't have butterflies every time you see him, should you continue a relationship without that? I don't know. It feels like settling, but the comfortable chemistry can have deeper meaning than a relationship based on emotion. Someone who used to be my friend said all the time that love is a choice, not a feeling. You chose who you love. Chose wisely, don't settle and love deeply.

Truth

2009-01-29T21:40:00.002-06:00

The truth. Absolute truth is one of the hardest things for people to do. It is so much easier to lie sometimes. We learn this as children, of course. My nephew for example was lying a lot at school and getting in trouble for it. Well, he said that when he told the truth and others lied, the teacher never believed him, so he was going to lie too.

It is so difficult at times to tell someone something that is hard. We would rather take the easy way out. I know, I have been there. What we have to remember is that "it is all in the delivery". I will say that until I die. How you word things and your reaction to things is key. You have to think before you say anything. Get thoughts in order and say whatever you have to out of complete love, and the other person will accept what you are saying a lot better. I am not always great at this but I know that in trying to respect others in every way is the best way to communcate freely.

GPS

2008-10-07T19:07:00.004-05:00

My wonderful friends got me a GPS for my birthday. Not any GPS, but a "GPS for Dummies". To some this may seem an odd gift, but not for me. See, I get lost quite a bit, which is extremely easy in Nashville. It is the only city that I have ever been to where the road name changes as you are traveling down it. Now, I do have my own personal Mapquest, my good friend Paula, but she is not always available. So, I now have my own personal access to all the places I don't know how to get to, any time I want.

I was wondering how life would be if we had our own personal GPS for life. We could key in where we wanted to be in life and it would automatically lead us to where that is. Unfortunately, this is not how life is. Several times this week I have said to people that they just need to trust in God's plan. It is extremely hard to do when some things are so uncertain. I struggle with this all the time. We all do. It is all about faith and having the faith to trust. Knowing that He wants the best for you and even if what is happening at the time doesn't seem like it will benefit you, or will hurt you, if you are in God's will, then it is the best thing for you. I daily remind myself of this. When you are struggling, not matter what it is with, just give it to the Lord and let Him handle it.

Brat

2008-09-09T21:37:00.003-05:00

I love church on Tuesday nights. I don't always get to go, but when I do, I learn so much and of course, God always aligns it with something that I have kept deep in my heart and only He is aware of.

Tonight was no different. See, I have a friend who is hurting. She was sitting next to me tonight and her tears fell on my hand. I thought to myself - I know exactly what she is going through. I have been there and know the pain she feels. Then it occured to me...so does God. He felt betrayed, unloved and hurt by the people He loved, just like we can when we are hurt.

I realized tonight that I have been such a brat lately. Iused to pray consistantly that God would use me for whatever He wanted. He did, and I was hurt badly in that process. Since then, I haven't been praying that He can use me, when that is what I am here for. I am here to serve Him and have Him use me any way He see's neccessary. It is time for me to open my heart again and no matter what comes my way...no matter how badly I get hurt...I need to know that it is God's will because that is what He planned for me.

End of the Week

2008-08-09T12:57:00.002-05:00

My family left early this morning, and it made me really sad. My house is really quiet and I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do with myself today. I had so much fun spending time with them this week. I love them so much and have enjoyed seeing them grow up and being a part of their life, even if it is only a little bit at a time.

I don't know why God brought me to Nashville, or what else He is going to do with me here, but I do know that being in His will is the only way I want it. I miss my family very much, but God is who I need to follow. Until I know what else He has for me, I will keep faithful and see my family as much as time allows.

JEE Day 6

2008-08-09T12:22:00.006-05:00

My mom and sister Lori came late Thursday night to spend Friday with us. We had a good day overall. The kids were tired and I think they were ready to go home and get back to their regular schedules. What I realized from this week is that being responsible for kids is a huge job. All week it was up to me to feed them, make sure they brushed their teeth, make sure they were kind to each other, and keep them safe.

I started wondering what they would be like as adults, and tried to remember what I was like as a child. How do we learn who we are and what behavior is appropriate? We learn by experiences. For instance, I don't jump on the furniture. I did when I was little, but I can't remember one time as an adult that I have done that. When the kids were here, I probably told them 100 times not to jump on the furniture. What would it take for them to learn? Getting hurt? Will that make them remember that jumping on furniture is not correct behavior? Or is it just growing up and hearing that they aren't supposed to do that over and over?

I do believe it is a little bit of both. Life experiences are what teach us and make us who we are. I have been hurt a few times in my life. That has taught me and caused me to grow in who I am. Every experience is intended to make us who we are. We may not understand what we are going through at the time, but trusting God through it and waiting to see what He is trying to teach us will make us who God intended us to be.

JEE Day 5

2008-08-06T22:10:00.004-05:00

Every morning we get up and have breakfast together. We hold hands and pray, then as they eat, I read a passage that they have picked from the Bible. Sunday, I read about Love from 1 Corinthians. Monday, Evan picked the book of Titus. Tuesday, Joseph picked Genesis and God making Eve out of Adam's rib. Wednesday, Emma picked Jesus walking on the water and Peter walking out to him. Today they each got to pick something, and the first one was about the 10 Leopers Jesus healed, then Moses parting the Red Sea, and then Jonah and the Fish. Each of these were something special to each of them. They were stories that they knew and that we would refer to often as we were talking throughout the day.

That special time each morning was what I wanted them to remember from this week. I want them to know that God should always be a part of their day and they should read their Bible and pray everyday. It is something that we all can remember and apply to our lives. Without God everyday our life will not be as fulfilled, and we will not get to know Him as intimate as we should. If God is to be our best friend, then spending time with Him everyday is the only way to achieve that.

JEE Day 4

2008-08-06T21:55:00.004-05:00

They broke me today. I am woman enough to admit that today I caved. See, the PS2 controller was a little broken ( they could still use it, but the thingy that rolls around was kind of out of the socket) so to me they could still use it, but to an 8 and 10 year old, this is not a good controller. So, today I bought them not one, but two, wireless controllers. All week I told them that they didn't need it, that we could do other things, but I finally gave in. I wondered why I gave in, and it is only because I love them. They are good kids and what is a little sacrifice to grant them some joy and happiness in playing games that they enjoy...and me some time to clean the house and do laundry? I don't see any harm in that.

My nephew Evan likes to plan. He is 8. He will one day marry a woman who will completely appreciate this in him. He gets that from his mom giving him play by plays of what they are going to do each day. So this week, he constantly asks me what we are doing and will try to plan our day. It cracks me up. So, I have been teaching all of them that we are just going to "go with the flow" this week. We can do whatever and go wherever, whenever we want. So tomorrow we are going to the zoo, and they don't know it. We will get up and eat breakfast, then off we go. It will drive them nuts not knowing, but it will be good for them.

How often do we try to plan our lives out? I know I do. My plan was not to still be single, but it was God's. I find that when we try to plan, it usually does not come out the way we planned it. God's plans are perfect and as long as we are faithful to Him and continue to follow Him, our life will go according to what He wants, and will be the most fulfilling life we can ever have.

JEE Day 3

2008-08-06T21:39:00.003-05:00

Well, today was a busy day! We went swimming of course and Evan learned how to float. I explained how and he tried it with my help, but he kept sinking. I thought at first that he may be like my dad, and not able to float (yes, my dad can't float - he sinks.) but after he practiced, he got it. He just had to try it himself first. Now he wants to float all the time because he knows he can do it.

After dinner, we went over to Mark's so the boys could play XBox. To me this was not a major thing, but apparently when you have a PS2 and get to play an XBox, it is a big deal. Emma was in the kitchen with Brittany and me while the boys were playing. Oh, and by the way, kids hear and repeat everything just in case some needed to know that...anyway, I was telling Brittany that earlier that day Emma would not dance with me. See, the Jonas Brothers came on T.V (apparently they are a big deal in a kids world) and were singing, so I got up and was dancing all around the living room. Emma wanted no part of it. When Brittany asked her why she wouldn't dance with me her response was " I am not a dancer...I'm going to be a Doctor". Good to know that she isn't going to be a dancer...her parents will be relieved.

Joseph just goes with the flow. He is so sweet but also has his moments. We were in the car, and of course I am joking around with them, and he gives me "the look". You know, the look kids give you when you think you are funny and they think you are a dork. Yes, that is the look I got. I have officially traveled out of the world of being cool, and into the world of being a dork. Not sure when that happens, but it did.

Overall it was a good day. They are very tired though, so bed time is early for this week. I will have to say that I am tired too, but love every minute of it.

JEE Day 2

2008-08-04T22:14:00.003-05:00

Today was another action filled day with the kids! I got up and made breakfast, then off to the pool we went. It was nice because it was just the 4 of us and that was a lot of fun. They get bored after a couple hours, so I have to plan our day accordingly.

Today was also Evan's 8th birthday. So, of course we went to Chuck E Cheese and played for a few hours. That was after we painted pottery. So today I really think that I got to feel like what it is to be a single mom. I am not a single mom, but today I learned to appreciate them in a whole new way. I honestly can't imagine what it is like, but I know that they have the hardest job in the world. Just to get ready to go today was an event!

As I was getting ready to put my make up on, Emma came in to the bathroom. She was telling me that she was glad I was putting make up on because I don't look very good without it. I couldn't fault her for being honest and she was telling the truth because I don't! Kids are so honest about things and I wondered what it would be like if we all were that honest? What if we said everything that was on our mind? Like I say all the time - it is all in the delivery. How you say things to someone can make all the difference in the world. I am trying to teach my neice and nephews that this week because they say things to each other that they shouldn't and hurt each others feelings. We do need to be honest, but we also need to be more aware of other people and how they perceive us.

JEE Day 1

2008-08-03T20:21:00.004-05:00

Well, day one is completed. My niece and nephews are here for a week with Aunt Lisa, and boy am I tired! It is very worth it though. They are full of life and energy, and they crack me up! Of course, being cousins they do have their moments, but overall they are a complete joy!

The best conversations are in the car and at the table during meals. Yesterday in the car Emma told me that that I must be sad because I was single. She told me that I must get lonely because I don't have a man to take care of me...Well...Huh...how do I anser that? How do I explain to someone that thinks she is a princess like Cinderella, that it's OK to not be married until God is ready for me to be. That's not how it happens in the movies, right? At the end of every love story is "happily ever after...". Then my nephew, Evan asked me if I cried when I was lonely. I told him that yes, sometimes I did cry because I missed them and the rest of the family. So, their answer to that was for me to move back to Hillsboro and then they could see me everyday. Then I wouldn't be lonely and Grandpa would be there to help me. They are so cute when they are young, aren't they?

So that got me thinking about how many people are out there that are lonely. I know that there are several. Yes, there are times that I am lonely but I have to get up, stay faithful and wait for the knight in shining armor that God has for me.

Focus

2008-07-17T21:56:00.002-05:00

I know it has been a long time since I have written anything. It has been a crazy busy summer! God, as always, is amazing. I can't describe all the amazing things that He has done in my life the last couple months, because there has been a lot.

What I will say is stay faithful. Keep dialy communication with God because that is the only way to keep your complete focus on him. Everyone is busy. I am extremely busy with work and life. It is easy to say you will do it later but will you? God desires you every day and wants you to be in His presence continually.

God answered a very important prayer today for someone very close to me. The situation my friend was in was very scary, but God took care of it. As this has been happening the last few weeks, it has really made me think about what is important, and it put a lot of things in perspective. Life is busy, but it is also too short to not live your life close to God.

10K

2008-05-06T20:33:00.006-05:00

No, I didn't win $10,000...but I did run (and walk) my first 10K last weekend. For those of you who know me well, you know that I detest running. It all started in January when my good friend Lisa suggested that all of us girls run in the Flying Pig 10K in Cincinnati. We all agreed and the training started. Well, if you could call it training. The most I have ever ran was around the bases in softball. So, this was a challenge for me. I started slow, walking most of the time and running a little bit. Over time the running increased, and so did my shin splints. Apparently, that is something else that I get from my father. In February I did 6 miles in 1.5 hours and I knew I had to train harder if I was going to get through this! A few weeks before the race, I did get out more and just hoped for the best.

My goal of the weekend was to complete the 6.2 miles, in less than 1.5 hours. That is all I wanted. When we were waiting for the race to begin, it was pooring rain. Not just a drizzle, a heavy rain that the wind was blowing sideways. I prayed the whole time that God would hold it off just long enough to complete the race. I was nervous enough and didn't want the rain on top of it! As soon as we started the rain subsided and didn't rain again until we were leaving for the car! Yes, that is God. The coolest thing about the race were the people. Several times I almost got very emotional because there were people out there cheering us on. It was cold and wet, but they were out there encouraging people they didn't even know. That is what kept me going. In mile 3, two of my friends were waiting there and that really kept me going. My shins were so sore, but my friend said "you can do this - keep going!". Just what I needed to hear at that point in time (thanks Jody).

This got me thinking. In life there are times when we could give up. Times when we don't want to go on and complete the race. That is when we need our friends and family there encouraging us on. Giving us words to lift our spirits, and that are there congratulating us when we complete the race. We also need to be that friend to others. We need to be the encourager at times and lift others up. Don't get so lost in your own life that you forget about those around you. Even people you don't know. God could use you to encourage someone and you don't even know it. I have no doubt that God put these people in my life for a reason and used them for me to complete the race. I did complete it in 1:23 and God was with me the entire way. It was an amazing feeling crossing the finish line and knowing I completed the race and met my goals, with amazing friends there along the way.

I Am

2008-04-06T21:17:00.003-05:00

Isaiah 41:10- So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Bread, Water, Way, Truth, Life, Beginning, End, Love...these are just a few ways to describe God. This week God has been showing me who He is. I have Bible Verse cards that I flip over each week that I can see daily. Isaiah 41:10 was the verse from this week. I have had a lot on my mind this week with a lot of decisions to make. I have been praying for clarity and wisdom of God's will, and expecting an answer. Well, all week God has been showing me who He is. Tuesday night at church, the pastor was speaking out of John and John 1:1 begins with how the Word is God. So, he proceeded to go through knowing who God is. I thought, Ok??? I was expecting an answer to my prayers, not a lesson on who God is. I know who God is...So, I sort of dismissed the lesson but I kept praying, and expecting an answer for what I was praying for.

Then, my week went on and it was a tough one. All week the theme was the same. Knowing who God is and being patient. On several instances, God was telling me the same thing. Then Isaiah 41:10 was spoken into my life several times. My bible verse cards, the worship leader read it during worship, then it was read on the radio when I got in the car. I literally said out loud, "what God...what are you trying to show me with this...I don't want to miss what you have for me, please, please show me". Then I went to the church I used to go to. I was supposed to go last week, but couldn't because I had to go to Ohio suddenly. Well, today I went and it was amazing. I got to see exactly who my God was. God is bigger than anything. It is all about Him and is all for Him. He is the one in control and showed me that His will is perfect and He is perfect. That is who God is. He is perfection and there is nothing that goes on in my life that He is not in control of. He is the Word and His Word says that He is my God. He was with me today, as he is everyday being my strength and holding me up in His hand.

Walls

2008-02-11T21:20:00.004-06:00

Joshua 6:2-5 - 2.Then the LORD said to Joshua, "See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands, along with its king and its fighting men. 3. March around the city once with all the armed men. Do this for six days. 4. Have seven priests carry trumpets of rams' horns in front of the ark. On the seventh day, march around the city seven times, with the priests blowing the trumpets. 5. When you hear them sound a long blast on the trumpets, have the whole army give a loud shout; then the wall of the city will collapse and the army will go up, everyone straight in."

In my quiet time recently, I was lead to the story of Joshua and the city of Jericho. I have read and heard this story many times, but this particular time it was used to help me see where I have been for quite a while.

As I was reading this the other day it made me think of a long time friend of mine who always told me that I built "walls" up around my heart. He could see that when I was hurt, my defense was to put that wall right up to protect myself from being hurt again. I always thought he was crazy saying that, until I was in church a couple of Sundays ago (of course, it was the Sunday after Joshua was my quiet time). I was sitting in church and during worship I realized that for the last year I have had a wall built around my heart. The wall was not towards people, but it was towards God. I know that seems odd to say, but my prayer for the last year has been for God to use me, but to protect me from being hurt again. What I was doing was putting a stipulation on God to say "okay God, here I am. You can use me, but only if I don't get hurt. If I will get hurt, then I'm out". My wall was causing a rift in my relationship to God. Yes, I was reading my Bible daily and praying, but I wasn't listening. I couldn't hear God and I couldn't figure out why until I realized that I had a wall around my heart just like Jericho.

This was a big "AhHa" moment for me. I have to work on surrendering everything everday to Him and not to allow the wall to go back up. If there is a wall that you are holding up, let it go. Surrender it all to God and He will be your refuge.

Taking time

2008-01-31T19:59:00.000-06:00

In your life do you ever find yourself doing something without thinking about it? Every morning I get up at usually the same time, depending on how many times I hit the snooze button. Then I go through my routine. Shower, quiet time, makeup, hair, dressed and out the door for work. The other day, I got it in my head that I was going to get up early and go to the gym because I wasn't going to be able to go to after work. I got up at 4:30...yes, I said it, 4:30 a.m. My routine was not normal that day. I actaully think that my body went into shock because I got up that early and on top of that I worked out for an hour!

It made me think that many times we just go through the motions of life. Often I just go through the motions of my day, doing what needs to be done. I get so busy that I don't stop and take time to really spend quality time with others. I am pulled in so many directions that I dont' take the time for what is important. God commanded us to love. Love others as He loves us. Would God ever get so busy that he didn't take the time to listen? That He wouldn't take the time to stop what he is doing to show His love? My life lately has been consumed with work and I have not been taking time to stop and show God's love to others. What is the point to life if we are not doing God's work? I hope when you read this you will stop focusing so much on what isn't getting done and focus more on those that are around you. Work will always be there tomorrow...people may not be.

Praise Him

2008-01-05T10:15:00.000-06:00

1 Peter 4:16 - However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name.

There is a song by Casting Crowns called Praise You In This Storm. It is a very popular song with a powerful meaning. It a hard to do, but when you stop focusing on your problem, and put the focus on God, you will see it, and be able to bear it, in a whole new way.

When I was home for Christmas we had a death in the family. Jim was my mothers cousin(Connie) husband. He was 59 years old and lost his battle with cancer on Christmas day. I did not know the family very well, because I have been away for so long, but what I remember of Jim, he was always smiling and laughing. He adored his wife and loved the Lord. What made me think of this song and verse was my mom telling me something Connie did the Sunday night before Christmas. My mom was at their house and their entire family was there. They knew it was any time that Jim would be going home to see the Lord and mom said that Connie cried out to the Lord to comfort and shelter her. In the face of her husbands death, she cried out to the Lord.

Whenever we face something that we think we will never get through, praise God. Praise Him for everything, no matter what it is. When you are going through something that is tough, if you see God's hand in it, you will learn more about yourself. Trials will make you stronger and will help you learn more about yourself. Praise God for the trial and for what He is going to teach you through it. It will be hard, and you may feel like you won't make it through, but God will comfort you and guide you.

Supply

2007-12-06T19:52:00.000-06:00

Phillippians 4:19 - And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus

This morning it was freezing! I didn't sleep at all last night and was really tired, so on my way this morning I wanted Starbucks desperately! As I was trying to make the split decision, I decided that I didn't need it. I have been really praying about my finances and I didn't need to spend $4.00 on a tall chocolate mocha with organic milk. I wanted it, but didn't need to spend the money on something that I didn't need.

There is a difference between what we want and what we need. We live in a world that is bombarded with materialism. Make more money, have the bigger house, better car, more clothes, have more shoes than your neighbor (Not possible living next to Brittany). We see it all the time, and especially with Christmas coming up, it is more prevalent. I won't go off on that subject right now...back to Starbucks...

So, I didn't get Starbucks. I knew that was not where I needed to be spending money. So, this morning at work I got a phone call from one of my Reps. She was at Starbucks and wanted to know if I wanted her to bring me something back. Wooo Hooo! To me that was a little thing that God did just for me.

God will supply you with what you need and bring you blessings when you are obedient to him. I was studying the verse above and I found 4 other times where "glorious riches" was listed in the Bible. The Glorious Riches is God living within you. When you have God in your heart, leading your life, following Him always, He will always supply you with exactly what you need. God knows exactly what you need and will always take care of His children.

Thanksgiving

2007-11-21T11:29:00.000-06:00

I am home for Thanksgiving and always love this time of year. The drive up was great because I got to see the changing of the leaves and all the color that it displays up through the State of Kentucky. The weather is great and it is a typical fall day here. The sun is out and there is a cool breeze blowing. Mom is cooking in the kitchen and probably wondering why I am not helping her. My nephews and neice are here and there is a lot of conversation going on. Tomorrow is the big day where we are going to eat a lot of food and have multilple conversations going on at one time. My favorite part of my family is the conversation. To some people it would be annoying, but being sisters we can have 4 conversations going on at once and we can pick up in the middle of another conversation and then back to the other conversation without missing a beat. We share a connection that no one would understand unless they had their own.

I am very thankful for my family. My three sisters are my best friends and I love them dearly. They each married 3 men who love them for who they are. My parents are so funny and listening to them cracks me up. Family is something to appreciate and love and not to take for granted. They stand by you and support you no matter what. Living far away I try to not take them for granted. You never know when the last time you are going to see someone will be. Take the time to spend special time with your family this holiday and be thankful for them. Tell them you love them, and thank them for what they mean to you.

worried

2007-11-14T20:40:00.000-06:00

Have you ever had the Lord lay a particular verse on your heart? It happens to me often, but this morning I have no doubt that God was preparing me for my day. I was going to my kitchen to get coffee and begin my quiet time, and I was talking to the Lord when the verse in Phillipians came to mind: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. I was sort of dreading going in today because I was gone Monday and Tuesday traveling and knew that it was going to be extremely busy for me today. When I went to do my bible study for today, guess what...the verse from Phillipians was a part of my quiet time. I knew that God was telling me something.

My quiet time was about worry. How often are we consumed with worry? I know it is often. I used to worry all the time about everything when I was younger. Now, I really make effort to not worry so much and give God complete control. It is so hard to do when you do not know the outcome of something. What will all the worry accomplish? Honestly, it will accomplish nothing. All it will do is make things worse for you. What in your life do you need to give completely to God. Take your worries and requests to God. He will never fail you.

Sixty

2007-10-31T21:03:00.000-05:00

A couple weekends ago I went to Ohio for my dad's 60th birthday party. It was so great because of everyone that came to celebrate with him. My immediate family, my mom's brother, sister and spouses, and all of my dads siblings and their spouses, were there. What was so cute about my dad was that he really seemed moved for a birthday that "he didn't want us to make a big fuss about". It was so fun to watch him get to enjoy just being with everyone and spending time with them. All of his sisters and brother went around and told something they remembered about my dad when he was growing up. That was one of the sweetest moments I remember about the night because those are stories that we don't get to hear as his kids. We have memories of him as our dad, but to hear other people talk about the fun stuff he did growing up was very meaningful to me. It occurred to me that he was more than just my dad. He was a brother, son, friend and husband. He is so many things to so many people.

My dad works very hard, and way too much. I used to get mad about this (and sometimes still do) because I think his life has become his job a little too much. What I do admire about my dad doing this is that he is extremely responsible for what he has to do. He takes pride in doing a good job and does it well. He was raised to work and take care of his family and that is what he does. My dad is an amazing man and I can only hope to have a husband like him one day. I don't remember my dad talking too much, and that is probably because he had a house of full of five women. It is hard to get a word in when you have that many females together. But the older I get the more I respect my dad and what he has to say. We don't talk too often, but when we do we have great conversations and I cherish them. I love talking to him about life and of course, when was the last time I checked my oil.

There are two times I remember that I wish I would have listened to my dad. Both times were regarding someone I was dating. One was in High School when I was absolutely dating the wrong person, and dad told me he didn't like me dating him (boy, I wish I would have listened) and the second was someone I was dating a couple years ago. He was the only one who said he thought he wasn't the right person for me. Looking back, I know why he said it but at the time I thought no way...he was so wrong about it. So much hurt would have been avoided if I would have listened to him. Dad says these things because he loves me. He wants to protect me and lead me in the right direction. God is our heavenly father and my dad is my earthly father, but how powerful is the resemblence between the two.

I was thinking about this as I drove back from Ohio and wondered how often do we do that to God? How many times have you or I had that gentle nudging from the Holy Spirit and ignored it because we wanted to do what we wanted to do? God wants us to listen to Him and seek His wisdom everyday. We are all God's children and He loves us unconditionally. He will lead us if we rely on Him completely no matter what we are going through. Go to God with your request and trust in Him. Psalm 62:8 - Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

Curves

2007-09-28T20:37:00.000-05:00

One of the first things I noticed about Nashville is that people can not drive around curves. On my way to work in the morning, I drive up 65 and it usually begins around Exit 71. The first big curve comes and everyone basically comes to a stop before going around it. Then they speed up to go staight for a little bit...then stop again around the next curve. Then...you guessed it...at the next exit there is a "s" curve and guess what...they slow almost to a stop to drive around it too, but speed up to go straight in between them. It drives me crazy because if everyone would take their time, pay attention and coast around it, traffic would flow much smoother.

Last week I was thinking about this odd phenominum when I began thinking that this is a lot like life. When a curve in life comes, people get upset and almost slow to a stop causing multiple accidents to occur before getting through it and speeding up to get out of it, only to come upon another curve. So, what do you do when life throws you a curve? Do you worry that you won't get through it or do you rely on God to get you through it? Do you move in and out of the lanes trying to get out of it and avoid the problems that could happen, or do you stay in your lane knowing that you are going to come to the end of the curve? Whatever comes your way in life you need to rely on our Savior to get you through it. You need to know that God can take the curves and no matter what happens, He is going to drive you through it.

Shining Light

2007-09-07T23:04:00.001-05:00

There was a song that I used to sing when I was little that was called This Little Light of Mine. We sang it with hand motions and it went: This little light of mine...I'm gonna let it shine. The "light" that is shining is Jesus. It is a light you see through people's eyes when they love Jesus and belong to Him.

I had the honor to see this light through someone that I didn't know for very long. His name was Jody and he was 31 years old. He was someone that when you talked to him you could not help but see the light of Jesus in his eyes. He was always smiling and it was contagious. I met him for the first time last year as a new Rep in my office. He walked into my office and we had a conversation about God and the amazing things God was doing in his life and with his family. He talked about how blessed he was by having his wife and child and you could see the love of God through him. Even though he is from Alabama, I didn't hold that against him.... He wasn't there for very long, but I will never forget the love he had for God. The light that shown in his eyes. Soon after he started with us, he found out that he had stage 4 lung cancer. It obviously shocked everyone, including him. Through out the last year I saw him a few times, and each time he was the same. Completely positive, still talking about his love for God, and his eyes were still shining. With everything he was facing, he still allowed the light to shine through him.
Yesterday, the battle ended and Jody went home to be with the Lord.

What I will remember most about him is the light that shown in his eyes. The love he had for God. When you look back on your life will people say that you had a love for God that shined through you? Will you remember that life is too short and you should live it for God to the fullest? Allow God's light to shine through you to show his love to everyone you see.

Still Here Waiting

2007-08-30T22:06:00.000-05:00

How is it that you can get far away from the Lord? I believe it begins with closing the line of communication. Like all relationships, if you aren't talking to a person, then you aren't going to have a close relationship with them. Same thing with God. If you stop seeking Him, then your relationship will suffer. You get busy with life, friends, work etc...and you are so busy that you don't have time to spend reading God's word or praying.

I was thinking about that tonight during my walk, when a song by Todd Agnew came on my iPod called Still Here Waiting. This song struck me in a powerful way and it reminded me that no matter where you are in your walk with the Lord, He is always there. I can't say that I had ever really listened to the words, but these are the lyrics.

It's cold outside / Or is that just the chill I feel inside from standing here / Steeping in my shame
I can't deny / I'm surrounded by the very thing You freed me from / That's why I can't come home

I don't know where I turned around / From chasing what I always found completed me / More than I could dream / I don't know why I can't remain / Safe here where I always came to meet with you / And You always met with me / And You're still here waiting

I fail to see / Why You'd still be waiting to forgive me / After all that I have done / But I cannot say / That one time I returned and You had turned away / Your love never fails

I don't know where I turned around / From chasing what I always found completed me / More than I could dream / I don't know why I can't remain / Safe here where I always came to meet with you / And You always met with me / And You're still here waiting

You say, "Come home" and You'll be there / I can run into Your arms

I don't know where I turned around / From chasing what I always found completed me / More than I could dream / I don't know why I can't remain / Safe here where I always came to meet with you / And You always met with me / And You're still here waiting

Satan is so coniving and will sneak into your life and slowly begin to pull you away from God. I know the last couple months I was struggling with that. But even when you think you are so far from Him you can't hear Him anymore...God is always right where He has always been. Waiting for you. He is the rock that never fails or moves. He does not leave us or forsake us. He is waiting for you to run into His arms with whatever it is you are facing and allow Him to take care of you. There is nothing too big for God to handle and He will always be waiting with open arms.

Give It All

2007-08-22T13:50:00.000-05:00

2 Corinthians 12:9 - But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

I know I have not written anything in a long time, but those of you that are close to me know that I have not had the time! Today however, I have been struck with the awesome wonder of God. I had to pause for a second (eventhough you didn't know I stopped typing), and it actually just happened again! God never ceases to amaze me with His grace. On Sunday I was praying for God to heal my heart and honestly praised Him for the trial I was dealing with. I thanked Him for taking me through the hard time because I knew He was going to teach me through it. This is when the process started. There was a phone call...then patience...another call...more patience...emails...more and more patience...then God's peace took over this morning.

What happened was I have been struggling with something that has been eating away at me for a while. When I say struggling, I don't mean the kind of struggling that is just a nagging feeling...I mean the type of struggling that you can't stop thinking of the problem, you struggle to go to sleep, you struggle not to say anything to the problem that is the cause of your struggle, and the type that you think of a million ways to "fix" the problem so you can stop struggling... So this morning after my quiet time I was praying and my thoughts began to wonder to the "struggle" I was dealing with and a million differect scenarios of how it could play out. Then I got so annoyed at myself for thinking about it and it occurred to me that I had not given it to God. So right then I said God, I am putting this in your hands to deal with and I know that You are going to take care of it. I am giving this to you. I didn't know how He was going to resolve it, but it was resolved for me this morning by one simple phone call. I laughed afterwards and thanked God for just being amazing and always taking care of me even when I am at my worst.

We never know what God is up to and it is so hard to give up control and just wait for what He has for us. It is against my nature to give things up like that. The important thing is to remember that God always has your best interest at heart. He will always love you and teach you through your struggles. Let Him take care of it for you even if it is scary to let go and praise Him for allowing you to go through what you are. What He will teach you if you allow Him will grow you spiritually and God will use that to bring glory to Him.

A Servant Heart

2007-07-01T10:57:00.001-05:00

John 13:1 - It was just before the Passover Feast, Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love. [vs. 3] - Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal took off his outer clothing and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him [vs. 12] ...Do you understand what I have done for you?...You call me Teacher and Lord and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater that his master nor is a messenger greater that the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

I am in the process of looking for a new church to attend, and if you have ever attempted this, it is not an easy task. It is like looking for a new family to be a part of. Today I went to a church that I really enjoyed. They are a very service oriented church and that is what I loved about it. Giving and serving others is one of the most rewarding things you can do. My mom taught me about giving to others when I was growing up. I am sure she did this a lot, but when you are in high school, sometimes you don't pay attention to everything your mom says. I don't remember exactly the whole situation but I did not want to give a gift to someone. I don't remember why or the context of the situation, but I do remember my mom saying to me there is nothing more rewarding than giving to others even when you get nothing in return. She said it so matter of fact. So, I had a choice. I could give with a pure heart with no intentions, or give in expectation of something. If you give and expect something in return, then the spirit of giving is about you and you won't get any reward from it. I remember giving my gift and I did it with the intention of not getting anything in return. It was incredible.

Having a heart of service is where God is going to bless you the most. Put others and their needs before you own and serve with a servants heart. Jesus did and we should follow His example. Jesus, knowing that He was about to be taken and hung to die on a cross, stopped to wash the feet of his disciples. Can you imagine having Jesus wash your feet? He didn't have to do this. He could have spent the last moments in other ways, but he chose to be an example of a servant to the disciples. Think about the people you encounter everyday. Is there a way you can serve them and show Christ's love to them? Allowing God to use you will make a difference in your life and theirs.

Completion

2007-06-24T13:45:00.000-05:00

I find it very funny when people first meet someone and find out they are not married. It is like the judgement has already been passed and they are quickly trying to figure out what is wrong with you as to why you are not married. Being single, I run into this often. I have also had people say to me "I just can't figure out why you aren't married...You are the complete package and an amazing person so I can't figure out why someone hasn't 'snatched' you up already"..... Well, first of all I don't know about being 'snatched'. Sounds to me like you are being taken against your will, but you get the point.

Last week I went to a new church and for the most part it was just like my old one, except I didn't know everyone. Since it was Father's Day, the pastor was talking about what the bible had to say about marriage, men and what a man values as a husband. It was a good sermon, and I am not one to get worked up about sermons like that because I need those if I ever do get married. Well, in the sermon, he made a statistics comment about how there are more single women in the US than there are married women. Saying that there are less and less women getting married, and more and more women that are 'single again'. This honestly had nothing to do with what he was preaching about, and of course there were no statistics given on how many men were single or married (or why they won't commit, or stay committed). It was only about the women. After church I began thinking about this comment and it honesly flew all over me. I usually don't think too much about the comments people make because it is usually out of ignorance, or just simply now knowing what to say. He was saying it like it was our fault that we are not getting married. Well, I have a few words about that. I am an independent woman but still old fashioned in some things. I will not ask a man out on a date. I was not raised that way, and I don't think God intends it that way. I am not out on the prowl trying to find someone who finally completes me.

Don't get me wrong because I would love to be married if it was God's will for me at this time. God created us for one another and not to be alone. So of course it is my nature to want to have a husband. But, my life is not defined by a man. Being married does not all of a sudden make me more of a woman. Period. Whether I am married or single, I belong to God alone. My life is lead by Him and if one day God allows me to meet someone and start a family, my life will still belong to God. My desire is to serve God and if He wants me to do that alone or with a husband, then I leave that up to Him. God is the only one who completes me. I do believe that the man is the head of the household and should be the spiritual leader, and one day God will send me a husband who will lead me spiritually as well and that will be the foundation of our realtionship. Now, this was a hard thing for me to learn. In prior relationships my life revolved around the man I was dating. I would put God on the back burner because I was too busy doing other things in the relationships I was in. Until one day I realized that when those relationships ended, God was the only one who was there for me. I had to hit rock bottom and the only thing I had to cling to was God. God is using me where I am now and will continue to use me for His will. I will continue to pray for my husband that God brings him to me in His time and we will serve God together. So, this week, if you are single, be content where God has you. If you are married, cherish your spouse and tell them you love them every time you talk to them. Life is short and every moment counts.

Fresh Sheets

2007-06-20T20:06:00.000-05:00

I was talking to a friend last night about fresh sheets and how one of my favorite things to do is get into bed at night right after I have put straight from the dryer, fresh, clean, sheets on the bed. That may be a strange thing to some, but to me it is great. The sheets are clean and crisp. I honestly think I sleep better on those nights. I was thinking about what a small blessing that is to me. Something that minor makes me happy to go to sleep.

This made me think about the little blessings that God gives us everyday. Each day God gives us little blessings that are meant just for us. I took those for granted until my friend Andrea said one night in Life Group that she looks for God's gifts each day that are meant for her. I started looking for those gifts from God everyday. Now I see them everywhere. It could be the simplest thing like a sunset, getting in the car and my favorite song is on, finding money randomly. My favorite was when one day I was feeling very "ugly". I was having a bad week and that morning just was not wanting to face the day. I was driving to work and there was a van in the lane next to me. We were stopped at a red light and for some reason I look over and on the driver's window was written "you are beautiful" (I am not kidding - it really said that!). It wasn't facing inside the car towards the driver, but was written on the outside where I could read it. It was meant for me from Him. It was such a random event that God used for me.

What are your little blessings? Is it a special look from someone you love? Is it a hug from a child that loves you? Is it eating a huge piece of chocolate cake with lots of icing and losing 5 pounds doing it? Whatever it may be, keep your eyes open for God's little blessings just for you. Don't get too busy that you miss what God has for you. Thank Him for those blessings and cherish them. Slow down enough to take the time to see the blessings that God has just for you today.

Anonymous Said...

2007-06-18T22:08:00.001-05:00

Just to let you know that if you leave a comment on the blog and mark it as anonymous, then I have no idea who left it. You need to either leave your name or initials after your comment so I know who left it. I just don't want anyone to think I am not responding to your comment! I do appreciate the comments that are left! Thanks for reading!!!

Friends

2007-06-15T22:18:00.000-05:00

I must say that I have the best friends in the world. I have several different sets of friends and I consider myself very lucky. When I say "sets" of friends I mean that I have a set of friends through Ohio, a set of friends through church, and a set of friends through work. Tonight, I was at dinner with a set of friends for a birthday celebration. (Happy Birthday-LM)

As I was sitting there in the middle of two different conversations, I began to think that most of my friends will never travel in the same circle. They may meet eventually, but more than likely they will never meet. However, being friends, each of them know about each other in one way or another through me. I am the one link that could connect each of these friends together. Through me they could meet people they never would have met, and through them, I could meet a lot more people, if we were open to it. I kept thinking that is what Christ is. He is our one link to eternity if we are open to it.

Having a true friendship means that you get to know someone and keep the relationship going. You have to invest time in the friendship to remain close to that person. If when you meet someone you don't take the time to get to know them and invest the time in keeping the relationship going, then it will never grow. It is the same thing with your relationship with Christ. If you open your heart to Him, accept Him, then never talk to Him again, the relationship will become stagnet. He is still there, but you won't be as close to Him as you should if you were seeking Him everyday. He wants to be our best friend and He is the only friend that will never fail you. He delights in us and takes pleasure in us and we were made for Him.

I want you to think about the friends that are close to you. I often think about my friends and the impact they have had on my life. How thankful I am that God has given me friends that accept me for who I am, love me, pray for me and support me. Thanks to all my friends for being so amazing and I love you!

65 North

2007-06-14T18:02:00.000-05:00

For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Every morning during the week I drive up 65 North to my office. I look forward to this drive because it is a good 30 minutes to have time to pray and I get to see the sign at the Storage Space Place (I am not sure of the real name, I just know you can store stuff there.) The reason why I enjoy it so much is because on the outside of the building they have a sign that scrolls different advertisments for their business. It also has a saying and a bible verse that they change periodically. I try to time my drive just right so I can see what it says, or to see if it has changed. Sometimes I miss it because I have to keep with the flow of traffic, and that always makes me a little dissappointed.

It is usually a saying that applies to my life in one way or another. A few months ago it was "Stand Firm In Your Faith", and at that time I was facing challenges that could have caused me to not be as firm as I should. This week it is "God Has A Plan For You" Jeremiah 29:11. This has been quite significant to me this week because I have had many doors close lately, and am not sure which direction God wants me to go. When I am driving up 65N praying and asking God for the wisdom to know what He wants me to do, that is when I usually look up and see that sign.

I think we all know that God has a plan for us, but how many times do we try to control our own life. Try to make our own path without consulting the One who is leading us? How do we react with our life doesn't go exactly how we think it should? I have had a lot of doors close lately, but I know that God is in control and He has a plan for me. So, thanks storage place people for allowing God to speak to me through a rolling advertisement. Thanks for letting all of 65 North see it too.

Blogs

2007-06-13T09:30:00.000-05:00

Blogs are something fairly new to me and I have often wondered why people would read them? Why do I read them? Then I found myself reading one the other day and realized that sometimes reading about anothers thoughts may give you insight that you didn't have before. Maybe God can use that person to say something that will give you a little bit more direction than what they had before. So, I decided to begin a blog myself. Why would anyone care what I think about? Well, possibly they will read something that comes from me and God will use that to help them. Maybe someone will read it and give their thoughts that will give some direction to me. You never know...

Everyday I pray that God will use me in a way that will help others. In a way that will show His love through me. I don't always see the fruit of that, but I do know that if you are willing to allow God to use you as His vessel then He will use that for His glory.