A few weeks ago I thought, "things are going so smoothly, everything is good, something has to be coming." Have you ever noticed that when things are going smoothly along in your life, something comes up and makes it crazy? I know for me when things are going fine, I usually wonder where God is? Sometimes, I'm afraid to ask that question, because when I do, that is when God starts to show me things. It is not at all that I don't want Him to, because that is how I learn, but sometimes it is just tough to go through. Just like in this situation - I did ask where He was, I knew in my heart He was preparing me for something, and last night - He rocked my world.
The study group I am in, we are going through "Life's Healing Choices". For the most part, it has been safe for me, until what we discussed last night. It asks for us to list our past sins and confess them to someone. Yes, I am serious when I say confess them to someone! When I started to think about the things in my past that I either thought I had dealt with, or just pushed away, it scared me to death. I am being honest when I say this completely freaked me out. Think about writing down all the things that haunt you, and having to tell someone else. I know this is a major part of healing, and it will free me from a lot of guilt and shame, but I honestly don't know if I can do it. This is a whole new concept for me, which also makes it difficult. I'm good with the forgiveness part. I know God forgives me, and I feel like I am getting better of not harboring the guilt, but telling someone...really?
The other part of this process is actually thinking of and writing them down. How do I know for sure I am being completely honest with it? As these thoughts were occurring to me, the verse listed below was read. The only way is to ask God to search your heart and show you. For Him to bring to mind all the things that hinder you in your relationship with Him. As I go through this process I'm sure I am going to learn a lot about myself and my relationship with God will only grow stronger. It will be tough and emotional, but doing this will draw me closer to Him, which is worth more than I will probably ever be able to comprehend.
Psalm 139: 23-24: Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. (24) See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
2.04.2010
2.02.2010
History
Every so often I take the long way home so I can drive through the "downtown" part of where I live, because I love it. It is an older historic town and if I hit the timing just right, the sun will be setting as I'm driving through it. There are little shops and restaurants (and of course, a Starbucks) and there are usually people just strolling up and down the streets. In the middle, there is a round-about, and in the center of that is a huge statue with a man on top of it, and four cannons surrounding it. During festivals they have there, I have probably passed by that statue a hundred times, and honestly, I have no idea who it is. I'm sure he bares some significance in history, probably something to do with the Civil War, but I don't know. This got me thinking how I really don't know a whole lot about history. I remember in high school and college I didn't have captivating history teachers. I was more interested in the math/science route. I was one of those people that said "why am I learning this, it already happened..." Oh, how I wished I would have listened and studied it more.
What I did learn is history tends to repeat itself. I know in my life this is true, and when the same thing happens repetitively, you tend to expect it. It's hard not to when that is all that has happened in the past. When I look back on these situations, I have to ask myself - what about my behavior is causing this repetitive behavior out of other people? Then my next thought is - maybe it isn't me? I'll probably never have the answer to those questions, but what I do know is that God will take you through these situations to guide and teach you. Every relationship I have ever had, I have looked back and asked myself "what is God trying to show me here?" Every time it is an eye opening realization for me. So now, instead of over thinking it, I view it as a learning experience for me. I hope I never quit learning, and seeing what God is trying to teach me. If only God would have taught my history class, I would probably know who the statue of the man is. Since He didn't, I will relish the fact that He is giving me a history all my own.
What I did learn is history tends to repeat itself. I know in my life this is true, and when the same thing happens repetitively, you tend to expect it. It's hard not to when that is all that has happened in the past. When I look back on these situations, I have to ask myself - what about my behavior is causing this repetitive behavior out of other people? Then my next thought is - maybe it isn't me? I'll probably never have the answer to those questions, but what I do know is that God will take you through these situations to guide and teach you. Every relationship I have ever had, I have looked back and asked myself "what is God trying to show me here?" Every time it is an eye opening realization for me. So now, instead of over thinking it, I view it as a learning experience for me. I hope I never quit learning, and seeing what God is trying to teach me. If only God would have taught my history class, I would probably know who the statue of the man is. Since He didn't, I will relish the fact that He is giving me a history all my own.
1.10.2010
It amazes me how certain situations, actions or things you see make your heart feel a certain way. Like the way you hear an old song and it makes you think of your first love. Or, if you go to a certain place and it makes you think of an old memory about your past and all the emotions come flooding back, like it was yesterday. A word, a memory, a smell, and even a light switch can bring back emotion and memories that you may have thought were gone.
The heart is a complex thing. I have yet to figure out how it works, and as far as I know there hasn't been anyone else that has. If there was, they would be a millionaire! There is a past event in my life that I thought was resolved a very long time ago. Then, I saw something that evoked so much emotion in me, I wondered if I had resolved it at all? This got me thinking, how do we know if we are actually over something? What is the appropriate amount of time or the process to put your past behind you? How do you know if you have dealt with something, or just pushed it so far down so you don't have to feel the pain?
There is no right or wrong answer to this. All I know is I have to give things to God. In church this morning, the pastor was talking about pride getting in the way, and thinking we could handle things on our own. We can't. I believe that is why God takes you through hard times, so you have to rely on Him. You have nothing else to do but give it all to Him. Life is hard, especially to think we can do this all on our own. My past situation was tough and the only one that can resolve it is God. What are you dealing with that you are trying to take all the burden on yourself? Take your burden and leave it at His feet, and He will take the burden on Himself.
The heart is a complex thing. I have yet to figure out how it works, and as far as I know there hasn't been anyone else that has. If there was, they would be a millionaire! There is a past event in my life that I thought was resolved a very long time ago. Then, I saw something that evoked so much emotion in me, I wondered if I had resolved it at all? This got me thinking, how do we know if we are actually over something? What is the appropriate amount of time or the process to put your past behind you? How do you know if you have dealt with something, or just pushed it so far down so you don't have to feel the pain?
There is no right or wrong answer to this. All I know is I have to give things to God. In church this morning, the pastor was talking about pride getting in the way, and thinking we could handle things on our own. We can't. I believe that is why God takes you through hard times, so you have to rely on Him. You have nothing else to do but give it all to Him. Life is hard, especially to think we can do this all on our own. My past situation was tough and the only one that can resolve it is God. What are you dealing with that you are trying to take all the burden on yourself? Take your burden and leave it at His feet, and He will take the burden on Himself.
12.24.2009
Presents
Today, I had to finish wrapping presents. Every year I realize how much I don't like to wrap presents and really consider just giving gift cards. At some things, I feel like I have to be a perfectionist, but wrapping is not one of them. I usually always cut too much paper, the ends look bulky, the bows are smashed or I can't get them the way I want them. I get a little impatient with the whole process, and I think a lot of it is that I know they are just going to tear it apart and throw it away...so why do I need to make it look perfect when they are just going to discard it? Aren't we always told it's not what's on the outside that matters, it's the inside? Isn't that what they are waiting to get to - the present inside the poorly wrapped present that I impatiently put together?
While I was doing this today, it got me thinking about the reason why Christmas is celebrated each year. Jesus. God's present to us many years ago was His son. He came to Earth in lowly status and knew He would die to save us from our sins. He came knowing He would face the ultimate betrayal and death on a cross. He was not wrapped in expensive clothes, or live in a fancy house. He did not come into this world as a King in that time would, but came to us and took the form of a servant. God's gift to us was His only son wrapped in swaddling clothes, laying in a manger. On the outside He was just a carpenter, but on the inside He was God's son that became a man to give us the ultimate gift. So, as I was wrapping gifts today I didn't worry about how the outside gift would look, but knowing the joy that would be received from what was inside. What really matters is Christ this season and all that His love brings. Merry Christmas.
While I was doing this today, it got me thinking about the reason why Christmas is celebrated each year. Jesus. God's present to us many years ago was His son. He came to Earth in lowly status and knew He would die to save us from our sins. He came knowing He would face the ultimate betrayal and death on a cross. He was not wrapped in expensive clothes, or live in a fancy house. He did not come into this world as a King in that time would, but came to us and took the form of a servant. God's gift to us was His only son wrapped in swaddling clothes, laying in a manger. On the outside He was just a carpenter, but on the inside He was God's son that became a man to give us the ultimate gift. So, as I was wrapping gifts today I didn't worry about how the outside gift would look, but knowing the joy that would be received from what was inside. What really matters is Christ this season and all that His love brings. Merry Christmas.
12.08.2009
100 Percent
Last night I was watching the news to catch the weather, and they said that there was a hundred percent chance of rain today. Normally, that is not the case. Usually they will give you a slight percentage and it may rain, or it may not. This got me thinking that there are not many things in life that we can say are guaranteed.
Some things I would like to be guaranteed, like a low credit card interest rate, but that's not something I believe I am going to get. In life, we would like to think that we could be guaranteed several things. Like, the love of our life will stay with us, but they could choose to leave. That our job will always be there, but it may not. That we will always have great health, but we could get sick. You never know what life is going to throw at you, never. It could all change in a moments notice, and the only thing you have control over is how you handle it.
When things are thrown at you, do you take it and roll with it, and try to see how God is moving, or do you run and hide? Have I faced a major tragedy in my life, no. But I have had my share of heartache, and it is not easy, but what I have learned through those experiences has been invaluable. Ultimately, God is in control and knows what you will face before you do. He is going to give you more than you can handle because He wants you to trust in Him to carry you. Lately, I have had to pray for God's strength. This is a very busy time for me and I am tired. I am battling this daily, and my only strength is God. If you think about what is guaranteed in your life, it is the love God has for you. Well, that, and death, taxes and today the rain.
Some things I would like to be guaranteed, like a low credit card interest rate, but that's not something I believe I am going to get. In life, we would like to think that we could be guaranteed several things. Like, the love of our life will stay with us, but they could choose to leave. That our job will always be there, but it may not. That we will always have great health, but we could get sick. You never know what life is going to throw at you, never. It could all change in a moments notice, and the only thing you have control over is how you handle it.
When things are thrown at you, do you take it and roll with it, and try to see how God is moving, or do you run and hide? Have I faced a major tragedy in my life, no. But I have had my share of heartache, and it is not easy, but what I have learned through those experiences has been invaluable. Ultimately, God is in control and knows what you will face before you do. He is going to give you more than you can handle because He wants you to trust in Him to carry you. Lately, I have had to pray for God's strength. This is a very busy time for me and I am tired. I am battling this daily, and my only strength is God. If you think about what is guaranteed in your life, it is the love God has for you. Well, that, and death, taxes and today the rain.
12.01.2009
Today was a great day. Since yesterday was so tough, I guess that is to be expected. I found myself very busy and feeling overwhelmed with a peace that can only come from people praying for me. I have been thinking a lot about things in my life and have realized how very blessed I am. I guess with Christmas just around the corner, it makes me very thankful for people in my life. There have been so many people recently that are experiencing very upsetting and trying situations, and it makes me wonder what kind of friend I have been to them.
Our lives can become so selfish at times. I know I am guilty of it. There are days where I am thinking about myself, and miss the opportunities to serve someone else because of it. I really do try to not allow things to be all about me, but we are human and have selfish natures. A former friend of mine used to say all the time, it is not all about you. There is so much truth in that statement. It isn't all about you. There are so many people in the world that you could make a difference to, if you just change the way you look and think about things. Life is hard, and very confusing at times, but if we just remember the little things and think about others every once in a while, life will be much more fulfilling. Just keep this in mind as you do things in your life and don't let your own stuff get in the way of loving others. Christ was the ultimate example of this when he walked the Earth. It was never about Him and He gave the ultimate sacrifice for us, by dying on the cross. Going through your day today, reach out to someone and love them.
Our lives can become so selfish at times. I know I am guilty of it. There are days where I am thinking about myself, and miss the opportunities to serve someone else because of it. I really do try to not allow things to be all about me, but we are human and have selfish natures. A former friend of mine used to say all the time, it is not all about you. There is so much truth in that statement. It isn't all about you. There are so many people in the world that you could make a difference to, if you just change the way you look and think about things. Life is hard, and very confusing at times, but if we just remember the little things and think about others every once in a while, life will be much more fulfilling. Just keep this in mind as you do things in your life and don't let your own stuff get in the way of loving others. Christ was the ultimate example of this when he walked the Earth. It was never about Him and He gave the ultimate sacrifice for us, by dying on the cross. Going through your day today, reach out to someone and love them.
11.30.2009
The wonderful thing about living in Tennessee are the trees and hills in the country. I absolutely love living here because of that. From where I live I can be in the country, or city within minutes. I was having a very rough day today, so I left early. I had something happen recently that was harder for me than I thought it would be. It takes me a couple days to process something, then it all comes crashing down around me. The emotions just came to the surface out of nowhere and I had to leave. I ended up coming home and going for a drive to clear my head. I drove through Leiper's Fork over to the Natchez Trace and back home again. The sun came out just as I was arriving home and I had to take advantage of this gorgeous day before winter comes. As I was driving I noticed that there are several homes for sale. A lot of them farms with a lot of land, and if I could afford it, I would buy one in a second. I thank God every day for the home I have, but a dream I have is to live in the country away from all the clutter of the city.
Along my drive I came to a cross road and I had to choose which way I wanted to go. One way, I wasn't sure where it ended up. The other way, I knew where I would be. Normally, I would go the way I didn't know and figure it out, but I didn't have the energy today. It did get me thinking about how often times we take the easy way, the way we know, when confronted with something we don't know. At times this is a good thing, and others it isn't. How do we know that the way we didn't choose, could have been far greater than traveling the normal way. There is a book titled The Road Less Traveled that goes in great detail about this very thing. Sometimes the road that is traveled less is the road that will lead you to a far happier place and where you need to be. No matter which road you choose, God is always with you. He knows which road you will take before you take it. You may choose the road that will be rougher and harder, but God is always there carring you along the way.
Along my drive I came to a cross road and I had to choose which way I wanted to go. One way, I wasn't sure where it ended up. The other way, I knew where I would be. Normally, I would go the way I didn't know and figure it out, but I didn't have the energy today. It did get me thinking about how often times we take the easy way, the way we know, when confronted with something we don't know. At times this is a good thing, and others it isn't. How do we know that the way we didn't choose, could have been far greater than traveling the normal way. There is a book titled The Road Less Traveled that goes in great detail about this very thing. Sometimes the road that is traveled less is the road that will lead you to a far happier place and where you need to be. No matter which road you choose, God is always with you. He knows which road you will take before you take it. You may choose the road that will be rougher and harder, but God is always there carring you along the way.
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