This morning I attended a funeral of someone who had a huge impact on several people's lives. He began his battle with cancer almost two years ago, and started a Carepages blog during this time. It ended up being a true testament to life, and how passionately he lived his last few years on Earth. As I was sitting there, I was amazed at the number of people that were in attendance. They even had to simulcast it into a gym, for the overflow of people. As I looked around at everyone, I realized that he had an impact on each person there. I know in my life, he was my first real full-time boss, he taught me to be organized, and his proper way of writing a business letter. He would dictate all his letters (including punctuation) and at the time, it drove me crazy, but it also really taught me a lot. There were hundreds of people that didn't know each other, but were connected in those few hours by just one person. This got me thinking about how every action you take can have an impact on someone else.  It could be someone you may, or may not know. 

The other thing that really struck me was his family. His wife and children all spoke, and as the kids were speaking, their mother was close behind them, rubbing their back or saying words of encouragement. She was being their rock during this time, and when she spoke, they were doing the same for her. It really made me think of how love of others can really get you through any tragedy that comes. Having people in your life that you truly rely on and support you, is an amazing thing to be thankful for. We all get so busy in our lives, that sometimes we forget to stop and appreciate the little things. His brother also spoke, and he was talking about how he always got to work really early (I would get work voice mails from him sometimes at 4:30am) and he would call him and comment on how spectacular the sunrise was, or anything out in nature he was seeing.  He would stop, and take the time to appreciate the little things. Appreciate life. God only gives you one life, and living your life for what God wants, is your purpose while you are here. Rob's cross to carry was cancer, which started the Carepages...that impacted and changed lives. Don't get so busy in life that you miss how God is trying to use you. You never know how it is going to impact someone else.   

Going to that today really makes you stop and think about what is important in life. Stop and think about who in your life is important, and take the time to tell them. Life is too short to let life get in the way of what the true important things are.   



This morning I woke up and had to decide whether I was going to go to church or not. Normally it is not even a question, but tomorrow I have a major test to take, and I need more time to study.  So, I honestly thought that I could stay home, warm and comfy in my pajama's -or- get ready and drive to church (this is somewhat hard to admit, but truthful.) Based on my current living arrangement, I don't always go to the same church each week. I'm usually in a different spot each weekend, so going to the same church is difficult. This one in particular I have been to a few times, and the way the services are set up, they do an early worship and in depth teaching service, then two other services with preaching and not worship. This was also one of the reasons I was thinking about not going because I truly love the worship part of church, and could not make the early service. It's usually those times in my life when I am thinking about not doing something, then do it, is when God shows up. 

Starting off, my quiet time this morning was about God choosing people He can depend on. He knows you can withstand your trial, if not, He would not give it to you. It is seen all throughout the Bible - Abraham, Moses, Paul, Ruth, and Job to name a few. He knows your strengths and abilities and gives you trials that you can face, relying on His strength. 

When I got to church, there was a special speaker and he was talking about the trials in your life. When trails come, push though it and resolve in your heart that no matter what happens, God is the one who controls it. So often, our human nature is to control the situation ourselves. The quote he said that stuck with me was “It is doubtful whether God can use a man greatly, until first He wounds him deeply." A.W. Tozer. We all have been wounded in our lives, and those wounds are how we will be used greatly for God. Sometimes these wounds are so deep that we wonder if we can even survive it. I have been there, and know that it seems like it may never heal. But, His promise to us is that the good work that He started in us, long before we probably even realized it, He will complete in us.  Philippians 1:6 - being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. One of the hardest thing about a trial, is praising God for it and knowing that it is God's way of using you for Him. 

This got me thinking about my current trial that I have been dealing with for several months. My biggest insecurity has been brought to the surface several times, and I have been scared and telling myself that it is just too hard. Instead of trusting that God can do far more that I ever can myself, I have been telling myself I can't do it. The focus is on what I can't do and not on the fact that nothing is bigger than God. Nothing. 

I am extremely thankful for the service this morning, and when the speaker was finished, they had an amazing time of worship. It's time to trust in God and know that it is all going to work out for His good. 



Life isn't about you. I sit here in an air conditioned home, thinking about all the things I need to accomplish today, when there are people suffering in the world, and I'm sitting here thinking about my stuff.  When Jesus walked the Earth, do you think He went through the day thinking about what fun He and the apostles were going to have that day?  No, I'm sure that is not where His thoughts were.  I need to do more.  More to help those less fortunate than me, more to show God's love.  How?  I have no idea. Life is busy, and I'm trying to get ahead enough to where I can have more time to do those things. I am trying to trust God everyday that this is where He wants me, and where I need to be until He shows me what's next. It's not easy. I knew moving back here would be hard in some ways, and those have proven true.  I love being back near family and close friends, but there are other things that make this path rough. What is really boils down to is, am I trusting enough? Where is my faith right now? Do I have the faith and trust to take that step down the path that I have no idea where it leads? It is a scary thing to think ahead to what that may look like, but I know that with God in the center, it will be perfect. We all are human and have selfish tendencies, but try to do something for someone else today. Think about others and how your actions could make a difference. Philippians 2:2-4:  (2)then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. (3) Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, (4) not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.


If you stop and think about your life...are you happy?  When you stop and take a good look at what you are doing in your life, and just the stuff that goes on around you, can you say that you are truly happy? What is being happy anyway?  After my "list" and the events that occurred before and after that, I have had a lot of time to reflect on this very question.

First, I had to ask myself, what is being happy anyway?  Is it just a feeling that happens when everything is going smoothly?  When I am not being effected in a negative way?  Sure, that is usually the case, you feel happy when nothing is bringing you down!  But, how can you be happy when things are not going well?  How do you keep that loving feeling when you feel like the world is falling down around you?

My happiness comes from knowing that when the world fails me, God does not.  The most challenging thing to do is change your way of thinking.  Our human nature is to sometimes lean towards the negative way of thinking.  In my current situation, I spend a lot of time in the car, which leaves me a lot of time to think.  Often, those negative thoughts creep in my mind, and when they do, I try to immediately have a conversation with God about it.  I literally tell Him what I was thinking (yes, I know he already knows) and give whatever that thought is, to Him. When I do that, it clears my mind and puts new perspective on whatever it was that I was thinking.  2 Corinthians 10:5 - We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.  Take every thought to God and begin to think more postive.  Your outlook on life will change. 



Have you ever had one of those moments where your heart sinks to your stomach?  Where, something happens unexpectedly that triggers that sick feeling?  For instance, replying to an email and giving information out, when you meant to send it to someone else?  Leaving your wallet at a store?  Losing your cell phone?  Seeing someone you once cared about with someone else?  Any of these can cause that sick feeling that makes you so unsettled you don't know what to do.  Something similar happened to me, and it threw me more than I expected.  After my prior serious relationship, you would think I would be used to it, but I'm not. I am the type of person that does not like to be surprised - ok, I like to be surprised with trips, flowers, and jewelry, but I don't like to be surprised with negative things.  I like to be prepared and know what's coming, but today, I wasn't. 

I had that overwhelming sick feeling that hits you so deeply, you almost can't breathe. It was so unexpected and my first responce was to run. Just get out and get away from it. Unfortunatly, that was not really an option.  After the intial flight response, when my brain starts to process what is happeneing, I try to process the why. Then I get so mad at myself, that I even let something trivial effect me like that.  I was being rushed with emotion and honestly did not know what to do.   

So what I decided to do was leave the situation for a moment, and when I did, God put someone in my path that I needed.  My sweet friend was there, and she prayed for me.  She put God back as the focus, and that is where my thoughts should have been. What happened next can only be explained by the power of God. I was filled with an internal peace where you just know God is with you.  He is holding you up and comforting you. I prayed constantly that God would remain my focus and during that time, He was the only thing that was giving me a constant peace.  He has been through everything that we go through, and whatever situation we face. He is the only one that will never let us down. 

What it really made me see is that we are all human.  We have human tendencies that are natural, and how God created us, so what I was feeling was natural. The hard part when we face situations like this is surrendering those thoughts and feelings to God. But, when you do, everything is put in perspective and there is such a peace that you know God will get you through it.   

Now that I look back on it, it all seems so silly, but the human nature is a powerful thing.
Philippians 4:7 - And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus 


A little over a month ago I went on vacation to Temecula, CA.  It's a little over an hour from San Diego, and it was absolutely gorgeous.  We took a tour of several vineyards, and it was interesting to see how much care and thought goes into each row of grapes. There are different grapes all through the vineyard that each make a different type of wine.  It was very interesting to learn how it was all made, and takes a tremendous amount of hard work.  It takes a long time for the grapes to be made into what they are intended to be. What I noticed, was at the end of each row of grapes there is a rose bush.  The rose bush is planted as an early detection of any disease or pests that could harm the grapevine. If they see the rose bush starting to die, or grow mildew, they know it is time to protect the grapevines.

This all got me thinking about how God works in our lives.  He takes his time to develop us into what He wants us to be. This 'refining' does not happen overnight.  We don't wake up one morning and think, well, today is the day I'm going to be all God wants me to be!  It takes years of learning God's word, and praying.  God taks us through things that will equip us with what He wants us to have, to fulfil His will  for our lives. Sometimes the things that happen to us are not easy.  We don't always don't understand the why of things, but I know behind every thing that happens, there is a God who is refining me into the woman He needs me to be, to further His kingdom.



It is never an easy task to let go of someone you love. It comes with a lot of self reflection and heartache. You see, that's the hard part of being single, when relationships come to an end. Trying to be nice, but still get the closure we need as women. Trying to be strong even when you want to break down and ask why? Not understanding why this is happening...again. It's not easy for me to let someone get close to me, but this time I did. I actually allowed someone in, and gave them my heart, only to experience a broken heart like I have so many times before.

But...as I was driving home, I was very thankful for the long drive. I had the windows down, and the stars were bright. It gave me some time to reflect on a message I heard last night. Priscilla Shirer was talking on how to overcome "stones". One of her points was to see the good stuff in the bad stuff, and that's what I did. When God takes us through trials, that is the time we lean on Him the most. Look at your hurtful situation and seeing what God is trying to teach you. Not having a "woe is me" attitude, but an attitude of praise for the trial you are in. Even though I was sad, I turned up the radio and praised God. I thanked Him for this because I know He is going to teach me more about myself, and make me into the godly woman He wants me to be. This is not an easy task, but going to the Lord with how I was feeling and thanking Him for it, gave me a peace to know that He is in control. Everything that has happened up to this point has been because He wanted it to. As I was praying and worshipping, one of my favorite artist came on the radio, Jeremy Camp, singing There Will Be A Day. This is just one of the many ways God will speak to you. This song says it all. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=le-TG4sRRiQ

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew
But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we'll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long
You feel you’re walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone
Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting
But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

I can’t wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing
There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face.

God always has a plan, we just need to continually seek him through the storms of life and praise Him through everything.