5.02.2010
Flood
I think I now know how Noah felt... It has been raining non-stop for two days. He had it a lot worse than we did of course, but I don't know how he did it - especially with all those animals. But, as God always does, He provides. There are a lot of people suffering in our area right now, and my heart goes out to them. Prayers, prayers, and prayers are needed right now. As we were driving around Franklin today looking at all the areas that were affected, it was awful. There are so many people affected and devestated. You never know how fast life is going to change. Friday, dry and sunny and Saturday flooding. It's just a reminder of how short life is and to make sure you tell the ones you love, that you love them.
4.09.2010
Today
It is funny to me how Satan can just attack you. As much as I try to keep God as the focus of every part of my day, sometimes it just hits me and I have no control over it. Lately, he has been playing on my insecurities. When this happens, and I feel that way, I always try to stop, pray and refocus on who created me...insecurities and all. Today especially I am just struggling so much with an overwhelming insecure feeling. I've stopped and prayed, read bible verses, and nothing is seeming to over come it. I wonder, does anyone else ever feel this way? It is the most frustrating thing because I have so much to be thankful for.
God created me as an emotional person and it is something that I have to handle when it comes up and try to see what God is trying to teach me from it. So far, it is all pointing me back to God is Love. It's not something he does, but it's who He is. He made me this way, and is going to love me with it. It is comforting to know that no matter what I say, or how I'm feeling, God will love me through it all. I keep going back to Ephesians 3, and I am starting to feel better all ready.
Ephesians 3: 14-19: (14)For this reason I kneel before the Father, (15)from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. (16)I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, (17)so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, (18)may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, (19)and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
**As an update - I prayed that God would put people in my life that day to just encourage me, and I had two friends I hadn't talked to in months call me out of the blue, and one of my Reps, say incredible encouraging things to me. God will never fail us and gives us exactly what we need when we need it.
God created me as an emotional person and it is something that I have to handle when it comes up and try to see what God is trying to teach me from it. So far, it is all pointing me back to God is Love. It's not something he does, but it's who He is. He made me this way, and is going to love me with it. It is comforting to know that no matter what I say, or how I'm feeling, God will love me through it all. I keep going back to Ephesians 3, and I am starting to feel better all ready.
Ephesians 3: 14-19: (14)For this reason I kneel before the Father, (15)from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. (16)I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, (17)so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, (18)may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, (19)and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
**As an update - I prayed that God would put people in my life that day to just encourage me, and I had two friends I hadn't talked to in months call me out of the blue, and one of my Reps, say incredible encouraging things to me. God will never fail us and gives us exactly what we need when we need it.
2.04.2010
Rocked
A few weeks ago I thought, "things are going so smoothly, everything is good, something has to be coming." Have you ever noticed that when things are going smoothly along in your life, something comes up and makes it crazy? I know for me when things are going fine, I usually wonder where God is? Sometimes, I'm afraid to ask that question, because when I do, that is when God starts to show me things. It is not at all that I don't want Him to, because that is how I learn, but sometimes it is just tough to go through. Just like in this situation - I did ask where He was, I knew in my heart He was preparing me for something, and last night - He rocked my world.
The study group I am in, we are going through "Life's Healing Choices". For the most part, it has been safe for me, until what we discussed last night. It asks for us to list our past sins and confess them to someone. Yes, I am serious when I say confess them to someone! When I started to think about the things in my past that I either thought I had dealt with, or just pushed away, it scared me to death. I am being honest when I say this completely freaked me out. Think about writing down all the things that haunt you, and having to tell someone else. I know this is a major part of healing, and it will free me from a lot of guilt and shame, but I honestly don't know if I can do it. This is a whole new concept for me, which also makes it difficult. I'm good with the forgiveness part. I know God forgives me, and I feel like I am getting better of not harboring the guilt, but telling someone...really?
The other part of this process is actually thinking of and writing them down. How do I know for sure I am being completely honest with it? As these thoughts were occurring to me, the verse listed below was read. The only way is to ask God to search your heart and show you. For Him to bring to mind all the things that hinder you in your relationship with Him. As I go through this process I'm sure I am going to learn a lot about myself and my relationship with God will only grow stronger. It will be tough and emotional, but doing this will draw me closer to Him, which is worth more than I will probably ever be able to comprehend.
Psalm 139: 23-24: Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. (24) See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
The study group I am in, we are going through "Life's Healing Choices". For the most part, it has been safe for me, until what we discussed last night. It asks for us to list our past sins and confess them to someone. Yes, I am serious when I say confess them to someone! When I started to think about the things in my past that I either thought I had dealt with, or just pushed away, it scared me to death. I am being honest when I say this completely freaked me out. Think about writing down all the things that haunt you, and having to tell someone else. I know this is a major part of healing, and it will free me from a lot of guilt and shame, but I honestly don't know if I can do it. This is a whole new concept for me, which also makes it difficult. I'm good with the forgiveness part. I know God forgives me, and I feel like I am getting better of not harboring the guilt, but telling someone...really?
The other part of this process is actually thinking of and writing them down. How do I know for sure I am being completely honest with it? As these thoughts were occurring to me, the verse listed below was read. The only way is to ask God to search your heart and show you. For Him to bring to mind all the things that hinder you in your relationship with Him. As I go through this process I'm sure I am going to learn a lot about myself and my relationship with God will only grow stronger. It will be tough and emotional, but doing this will draw me closer to Him, which is worth more than I will probably ever be able to comprehend.
Psalm 139: 23-24: Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. (24) See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
2.02.2010
History
Every so often I take the long way home so I can drive through the "downtown" part of where I live, because I love it. It is an older historic town and if I hit the timing just right, the sun will be setting as I'm driving through it. There are little shops and restaurants (and of course, a Starbucks) and there are usually people just strolling up and down the streets. In the middle, there is a round-about, and in the center of that is a huge statue with a man on top of it, and four cannons surrounding it. During festivals they have there, I have probably passed by that statue a hundred times, and honestly, I have no idea who it is. I'm sure he bares some significance in history, probably something to do with the Civil War, but I don't know. This got me thinking how I really don't know a whole lot about history. I remember in high school and college I didn't have captivating history teachers. I was more interested in the math/science route. I was one of those people that said "why am I learning this, it already happened..." Oh, how I wished I would have listened and studied it more.
What I did learn is history tends to repeat itself. I know in my life this is true, and when the same thing happens repetitively, you tend to expect it. It's hard not to when that is all that has happened in the past. When I look back on these situations, I have to ask myself - what about my behavior is causing this repetitive behavior out of other people? Then my next thought is - maybe it isn't me? I'll probably never have the answer to those questions, but what I do know is that God will take you through these situations to guide and teach you. Every relationship I have ever had, I have looked back and asked myself "what is God trying to show me here?" Every time it is an eye opening realization for me. So now, instead of over thinking it, I view it as a learning experience for me. I hope I never quit learning, and seeing what God is trying to teach me. If only God would have taught my history class, I would probably know who the statue of the man is. Since He didn't, I will relish the fact that He is giving me a history all my own.
What I did learn is history tends to repeat itself. I know in my life this is true, and when the same thing happens repetitively, you tend to expect it. It's hard not to when that is all that has happened in the past. When I look back on these situations, I have to ask myself - what about my behavior is causing this repetitive behavior out of other people? Then my next thought is - maybe it isn't me? I'll probably never have the answer to those questions, but what I do know is that God will take you through these situations to guide and teach you. Every relationship I have ever had, I have looked back and asked myself "what is God trying to show me here?" Every time it is an eye opening realization for me. So now, instead of over thinking it, I view it as a learning experience for me. I hope I never quit learning, and seeing what God is trying to teach me. If only God would have taught my history class, I would probably know who the statue of the man is. Since He didn't, I will relish the fact that He is giving me a history all my own.
1.10.2010
It amazes me how certain situations, actions or things you see make your heart feel a certain way. Like the way you hear an old song and it makes you think of your first love. Or, if you go to a certain place and it makes you think of an old memory about your past and all the emotions come flooding back, like it was yesterday. A word, a memory, a smell, and even a light switch can bring back emotion and memories that you may have thought were gone.
The heart is a complex thing. I have yet to figure out how it works, and as far as I know there hasn't been anyone else that has. If there was, they would be a millionaire! There is a past event in my life that I thought was resolved a very long time ago. Then, I saw something that evoked so much emotion in me, I wondered if I had resolved it at all? This got me thinking, how do we know if we are actually over something? What is the appropriate amount of time or the process to put your past behind you? How do you know if you have dealt with something, or just pushed it so far down so you don't have to feel the pain?
There is no right or wrong answer to this. All I know is I have to give things to God. In church this morning, the pastor was talking about pride getting in the way, and thinking we could handle things on our own. We can't. I believe that is why God takes you through hard times, so you have to rely on Him. You have nothing else to do but give it all to Him. Life is hard, especially to think we can do this all on our own. My past situation was tough and the only one that can resolve it is God. What are you dealing with that you are trying to take all the burden on yourself? Take your burden and leave it at His feet, and He will take the burden on Himself.
The heart is a complex thing. I have yet to figure out how it works, and as far as I know there hasn't been anyone else that has. If there was, they would be a millionaire! There is a past event in my life that I thought was resolved a very long time ago. Then, I saw something that evoked so much emotion in me, I wondered if I had resolved it at all? This got me thinking, how do we know if we are actually over something? What is the appropriate amount of time or the process to put your past behind you? How do you know if you have dealt with something, or just pushed it so far down so you don't have to feel the pain?
There is no right or wrong answer to this. All I know is I have to give things to God. In church this morning, the pastor was talking about pride getting in the way, and thinking we could handle things on our own. We can't. I believe that is why God takes you through hard times, so you have to rely on Him. You have nothing else to do but give it all to Him. Life is hard, especially to think we can do this all on our own. My past situation was tough and the only one that can resolve it is God. What are you dealing with that you are trying to take all the burden on yourself? Take your burden and leave it at His feet, and He will take the burden on Himself.
12.24.2009
Presents
Today, I had to finish wrapping presents. Every year I realize how much I don't like to wrap presents and really consider just giving gift cards. At some things, I feel like I have to be a perfectionist, but wrapping is not one of them. I usually always cut too much paper, the ends look bulky, the bows are smashed or I can't get them the way I want them. I get a little impatient with the whole process, and I think a lot of it is that I know they are just going to tear it apart and throw it away...so why do I need to make it look perfect when they are just going to discard it? Aren't we always told it's not what's on the outside that matters, it's the inside? Isn't that what they are waiting to get to - the present inside the poorly wrapped present that I impatiently put together?
While I was doing this today, it got me thinking about the reason why Christmas is celebrated each year. Jesus. God's present to us many years ago was His son. He came to Earth in lowly status and knew He would die to save us from our sins. He came knowing He would face the ultimate betrayal and death on a cross. He was not wrapped in expensive clothes, or live in a fancy house. He did not come into this world as a King in that time would, but came to us and took the form of a servant. God's gift to us was His only son wrapped in swaddling clothes, laying in a manger. On the outside He was just a carpenter, but on the inside He was God's son that became a man to give us the ultimate gift. So, as I was wrapping gifts today I didn't worry about how the outside gift would look, but knowing the joy that would be received from what was inside. What really matters is Christ this season and all that His love brings. Merry Christmas.
While I was doing this today, it got me thinking about the reason why Christmas is celebrated each year. Jesus. God's present to us many years ago was His son. He came to Earth in lowly status and knew He would die to save us from our sins. He came knowing He would face the ultimate betrayal and death on a cross. He was not wrapped in expensive clothes, or live in a fancy house. He did not come into this world as a King in that time would, but came to us and took the form of a servant. God's gift to us was His only son wrapped in swaddling clothes, laying in a manger. On the outside He was just a carpenter, but on the inside He was God's son that became a man to give us the ultimate gift. So, as I was wrapping gifts today I didn't worry about how the outside gift would look, but knowing the joy that would be received from what was inside. What really matters is Christ this season and all that His love brings. Merry Christmas.
12.08.2009
100 Percent
Last night I was watching the news to catch the weather, and they said that there was a hundred percent chance of rain today. Normally, that is not the case. Usually they will give you a slight percentage and it may rain, or it may not. This got me thinking that there are not many things in life that we can say are guaranteed.
Some things I would like to be guaranteed, like a low credit card interest rate, but that's not something I believe I am going to get. In life, we would like to think that we could be guaranteed several things. Like, the love of our life will stay with us, but they could choose to leave. That our job will always be there, but it may not. That we will always have great health, but we could get sick. You never know what life is going to throw at you, never. It could all change in a moments notice, and the only thing you have control over is how you handle it.
When things are thrown at you, do you take it and roll with it, and try to see how God is moving, or do you run and hide? Have I faced a major tragedy in my life, no. But I have had my share of heartache, and it is not easy, but what I have learned through those experiences has been invaluable. Ultimately, God is in control and knows what you will face before you do. He is going to give you more than you can handle because He wants you to trust in Him to carry you. Lately, I have had to pray for God's strength. This is a very busy time for me and I am tired. I am battling this daily, and my only strength is God. If you think about what is guaranteed in your life, it is the love God has for you. Well, that, and death, taxes and today the rain.
Some things I would like to be guaranteed, like a low credit card interest rate, but that's not something I believe I am going to get. In life, we would like to think that we could be guaranteed several things. Like, the love of our life will stay with us, but they could choose to leave. That our job will always be there, but it may not. That we will always have great health, but we could get sick. You never know what life is going to throw at you, never. It could all change in a moments notice, and the only thing you have control over is how you handle it.
When things are thrown at you, do you take it and roll with it, and try to see how God is moving, or do you run and hide? Have I faced a major tragedy in my life, no. But I have had my share of heartache, and it is not easy, but what I have learned through those experiences has been invaluable. Ultimately, God is in control and knows what you will face before you do. He is going to give you more than you can handle because He wants you to trust in Him to carry you. Lately, I have had to pray for God's strength. This is a very busy time for me and I am tired. I am battling this daily, and my only strength is God. If you think about what is guaranteed in your life, it is the love God has for you. Well, that, and death, taxes and today the rain.
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