8.15.2009

Communication

I believe that communication is one of the most important things with any type of relationship, and probably one of the hardest. One thing that makes it so difficult is getting across what you want to say without offending or hurting the other person. The other side of that, is saying what you need to and being prepared for the response. In my prior relationships, the communication style was always very different. In some relationships I was afraid to say what I felt because no matter what it was, it would not turn out well. In others, I had the freedom to say what I needed. This is how I learned what the best way was for me to communicate. I am a processor. If there is something on my mind, I have to really think about it and make sure I know exactly how I feel before I talk about it, or it all just comes out badly. I had to learn to communicate out of love, and definitely not when I was angry. This was hard for me to learn when I was already conditioned a different way. If I do have something on my mind, I have to really process it, and know exactly how I feel before I express it. If there is something wrong, I have to get to the "root" of the problem to make sure I am not just being over-dramatic. I had to change how I communicated, and it was tough. Now, I really try to think about what I say before I say it, or it can come out wrong. Am I always successful at this? Absolutly not...sometime my filter is off, and I cause all sort of problems :) As I always say, it's all in the delivery. If you delivery what you need to say in a respectful way, it should be received well.

Even now, there are several times lately where there have been things I wanted to say, but didn't. I didn't want to say what I felt for fear of hearing an answer I didn't want. Is that right to do, no, I dont' think it is, but it is reality. Sometimes saying what you feel is a scary thing, and it's hard to be vulnerable to express what you truly feel or think. The important thing to remember is life is short. John Mayer said it best when he sang "Say What You Need to Say". There is a lot of truth in that.

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