Sunday

As I've probably said before, Sundays are extremely hard for me. I'm not completely sure why, but they are just difficult. It is on Sundays that I am hit with the reality of how single I am. Normally, I don't mind being single. I don't mind being by myself, and I am pretty self-sufficent, but today was different. I do want to be married. Sometimes I feel so selfish feeling that way, and I feel I need to trust God's timing more, but it is really hard sometimes. I know God's timing is perfect and normally that brings comfort, but today was rough. I am sure other single women go through this too, and I need to quit whining, but I am just having one of those days...

Is it too much to ask to want someone that completely loves me for who I am? To have someone that knows me so well, that he can complete my sentences? Someone that has such a love for me that nothing will keep them away from me? I don't think it is...even though it sounds very cheesy. It could be all the "chick flick" movies I've watched today, but it is still something that I pray happens one day for me. Marriage is a scary thing with the high divorce rate, and many marriages are unhappy. Does that mean that if I do get married, it will be always happy? No. Will I settle for someone that I don't truly love? No. God will have to come first, and I am not guaranteed that whomever I do marry will stay forever. But is it worth it to try? Yes, if it is God's will. You can't choose your family, but you do choose who you love. "Love is many things, it's varied, but one thing is not and can never be, is unsure" (yes, that was from one of my girly movies today...) You can choose to love someone, and can choose not to. It has to be for better or for worse, because that comes with every relationship.

It's almost like a puzzle - I've tried to fit with a few pieces, and some of them fit in some ways, but not every way. I'm still looking for my piece of the puzzle that fits. The hard part in all this is that I always expect each relationship I have to end the same way. I always expect him to leave, for me to not be worth it for him. But one day, I know through God's blessing my piece of my puzzle will find me and the puzzle will be complete. Until then, I guess I get to go through little funks like this and know that tomorrow is a new day.