Twilight

I fell. Not a physical fall, but fell for the Twilight books. If you don't know what I'm talking about, then you have not been watching T.V and you don't have young daughters. It is a book series about a vegetarian Vampire that falls in love with a human. Well, after much resistance I read them, and honestly I couldn't put them down. The movie also came out, but it was terrible. As they always say, the book is always better than the movie, and they could not be more right in regards to this one.

It made me think, what is the draw to these books for us? I obviously don't believe in vampires and the other mythical characters in the books, but I had to keep reading it. I think that it is the love between them that keeps you enamored with the book. We as women long for that one true love. The man that will love you for who you are and would do anything to be with you. There is chemistry between them that you can't ignore.

I believe that there are two chemistry types. One where you have that sick feeling in your stomach when you see him. You can't think of anything other than him and basically lose your head for at least the first three months of dating. The other is a comfortable chemistry. The person that you are very comfortable with and love to be around. You can still have a life and see him too. I've definitely had the first one, and it made me a complete idiot. The second is not as explored for me, but you will hurt less if it doesn't work out. So, how important is the chemistry you have? Just because you don't have butterflies every time you see him, should you continue a relationship without that? I don't know. It feels like settling, but the comfortable chemistry can have deeper meaning than a relationship based on emotion. Someone who used to be my friend said all the time that love is a choice, not a feeling. You chose who you love. Chose wisely, don't settle and love deeply.

Truth

The truth. Absolute truth is one of the hardest things for people to do. It is so much easier to lie sometimes. We learn this as children, of course. My nephew for example was lying a lot at school and getting in trouble for it. Well, he said that when he told the truth and others lied, the teacher never believed him, so he was going to lie too.

It is so difficult at times to tell someone something that is hard. We would rather take the easy way out. I know, I have been there. What we have to remember is that "it is all in the delivery". I will say that until I die. How you word things and your reaction to things is key. You have to think before you say anything. Get thoughts in order and say whatever you have to out of complete love, and the other person will accept what you are saying a lot better. I am not always great at this but I know that in trying to respect others in every way is the best way to communcate freely.

GPS

My wonderful friends got me a GPS for my birthday. Not any GPS, but a "GPS for Dummies". To some this may seem an odd gift, but not for me. See, I get lost quite a bit, which is extremely easy in Nashville. It is the only city that I have ever been to where the road name changes as you are traveling down it. Now, I do have my own personal Mapquest, my good friend Paula, but she is not always available. So, I now have my own personal access to all the places I don't know how to get to, any time I want.

I was wondering how life would be if we had our own personal GPS for life. We could key in where we wanted to be in life and it would automatically lead us to where that is. Unfortunately, this is not how life is. Several times this week I have said to people that they just need to trust in God's plan. It is extremely hard to do when some things are so uncertain. I struggle with this all the time. We all do. It is all about faith and having the faith to trust. Knowing that He wants the best for you and even if what is happening at the time doesn't seem like it will benefit you, or will hurt you, if you are in God's will, then it is the best thing for you. I daily remind myself of this. When you are struggling, not matter what it is with, just give it to the Lord and let Him handle it.

Brat

I love church on Tuesday nights. I don't always get to go, but when I do, I learn so much and of course, God always aligns it with something that I have kept deep in my heart and only He is aware of.

Tonight was no different. See, I have a friend who is hurting. She was sitting next to me tonight and her tears fell on my hand. I thought to myself - I know exactly what she is going through. I have been there and know the pain she feels. Then it occured to me...so does God. He felt betrayed, unloved and hurt by the people He loved, just like we can when we are hurt.

I realized tonight that I have been such a brat lately. Iused to pray consistantly that God would use me for whatever He wanted. He did, and I was hurt badly in that process. Since then, I haven't been praying that He can use me, when that is what I am here for. I am here to serve Him and have Him use me any way He see's neccessary. It is time for me to open my heart again and no matter what comes my way...no matter how badly I get hurt...I need to know that it is God's will because that is what He planned for me.

End of the Week

My family left early this morning, and it made me really sad. My house is really quiet and I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do with myself today. I had so much fun spending time with them this week. I love them so much and have enjoyed seeing them grow up and being a part of their life, even if it is only a little bit at a time.

I don't know why God brought me to Nashville, or what else He is going to do with me here, but I do know that being in His will is the only way I want it. I miss my family very much, but God is who I need to follow. Until I know what else He has for me, I will keep faithful and see my family as much as time allows.

JEE Day 6

My mom and sister Lori came late Thursday night to spend Friday with us. We had a good day overall. The kids were tired and I think they were ready to go home and get back to their regular schedules. What I realized from this week is that being responsible for kids is a huge job. All week it was up to me to feed them, make sure they brushed their teeth, make sure they were kind to each other, and keep them safe.

I started wondering what they would be like as adults, and tried to remember what I was like as a child. How do we learn who we are and what behavior is appropriate? We learn by experiences. For instance, I don't jump on the furniture. I did when I was little, but I can't remember one time as an adult that I have done that. When the kids were here, I probably told them 100 times not to jump on the furniture. What would it take for them to learn? Getting hurt? Will that make them remember that jumping on furniture is not correct behavior? Or is it just growing up and hearing that they aren't supposed to do that over and over?

I do believe it is a little bit of both. Life experiences are what teach us and make us who we are. I have been hurt a few times in my life. That has taught me and caused me to grow in who I am. Every experience is intended to make us who we are. We may not understand what we are going through at the time, but trusting God through it and waiting to see what He is trying to teach us will make us who God intended us to be.

JEE Day 5

Every morning we get up and have breakfast together. We hold hands and pray, then as they eat, I read a passage that they have picked from the Bible. Sunday, I read about Love from 1 Corinthians. Monday, Evan picked the book of Titus. Tuesday, Joseph picked Genesis and God making Eve out of Adam's rib. Wednesday, Emma picked Jesus walking on the water and Peter walking out to him. Today they each got to pick something, and the first one was about the 10 Leopers Jesus healed, then Moses parting the Red Sea, and then Jonah and the Fish. Each of these were something special to each of them. They were stories that they knew and that we would refer to often as we were talking throughout the day.

That special time each morning was what I wanted them to remember from this week. I want them to know that God should always be a part of their day and they should read their Bible and pray everyday. It is something that we all can remember and apply to our lives. Without God everyday our life will not be as fulfilled, and we will not get to know Him as intimate as we should. If God is to be our best friend, then spending time with Him everyday is the only way to achieve that.